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Showing posts from October, 2017

Fright

I call this room Home.

He will not look at me

His eyes flicker with

a speck of violence.



my strained smile,

disgusted by

my pleading eyes.

my veins freeze

icy blood

tearing through coronaries




Women For Trump

I  won't go into the clusterfuck of our cultural death-spiral. We got the president we deserved because we seek entertainment and loathe intellectualism. We base our reality on our emotions. Our emotions give us a sense of superior entitlement because we gorge our collective narcissism.

It's kind of bizarre. You would think impassioned emotions would maybe link its way to empathy but it doesn't. Empathy isn't organic to human nature. It's something you are taught and some people have more capacity for it than others.

When I worked with young children, parents would gush about how 'naturally empathetic' their child is. No hunty. They copy you- and they figure out pretty quickly that being a straightforward dick will alienate them. We are at the base of it all, extremely selfish but we need each other to survive.

Anyway, let me get back to the topic at hand. I guess I'm baffled by the women who voted for Trump. Especially in modern times. It astounds me. …

The incident

I was so repulsive to you then,

you couldn't see me as anything but a mistake.
Somehow, it was an insult to you, my unfortunate incident. 
You could barely kiss me.
You left the next day. 

Do you know what it feels like to be despised by someone you love?
No. You can never know. 
You had to catch a flight. 
It was too much of an annoyance.
I was fine. Just a brat.
You had to unwind.

Weinstein 2

What was it, exactly, that gorged your pockmarked cock with porcine blood, Mr. Weinstein?

And how quickly, do you think, you'll be forgiven? If only your breed of cinema weren't dying. You can't make anybody money Mr. Weinstein; how quickly do you think you'll be forgiven?

I suppose you thought you would be given the benefit of artistic license, like those fine men Mr. Polanski and Mr.Allen. Their escapades are excused by some bizarre form of patriarchal aesthetic utilitarianism that dictates that their artistic contributions outweigh their abuse. Of course, it's not RAPE rape if the girl is on enough quualudes to ignore the cock in her ass; in fact it should be an honor that such a prolific director would take his time to violate such a fortunate girl.

No POOR Mr. Weinstein; your better looking actor friends will continue to reap the benefits of naive ambition. I assume you thought that blaming your actions on addiction would garner sympathy. Of course, it wasn…

Nice People and Saviors

It's been difficult for me to write about this.  I used to take pride in entertaining and exploiting my lack of attraction to what I regarded as poor, down-on-their-luck, earnest victims. I also exploited these people as a means to boost my value. My value was based solely on my sexual worth.

I wanted to be an approachable fantasy and because of my intrinsic lack of self-confidence and warped sense of worth, it was easy for certain types of people to talk to me. The ones who didn't have the confidence with the person of their choosing but appreciated my self-deprecating persona.  I didn't require very much of people other than being a idealized thought.

Now, before I get, "Not all men..."- I'll ask you to politely go fuck yourself. No, of course not all men. That goes without saying. You just get uncomfortable because you find yourself being in the position of the lesser 'nice' guy and getting all that you rightfully deserve, which is nothing. In fact…

For the Modern Woman

Hey ladies.

I know when your man friend talks over you, ignores you, or repeats what you said but with more volume, all you wanna do is take a mandolin and gently but methodically grate his ridiculous scrotum.

But you MUSN'T.

Ladies, I know how you feel when you tell your friend about a creep and he says, 'Oh that guy is harmless... don't make a big deal about it. He just doesn't know how to talk to girls, be nice.'

I know you just wish for a moment that they could be cornered by a 'nice' guy and understand the fear that comes from the possibility of being physically overpowered and violated. Then, how nice it would be for people to look at you with skepticism, whispering how you deserved it. Promiscuous girl, you should have known better than to regard men with basic common courtesy; for surely you understand that any amount of eye contact constitutes consent?

Ah ladies, I know you want to scream at your friends who are 'trying' but insist that fem…

Short Rant: Untangling the Mess of being a Woman

When I was growing up, I thought that being a femme fatal, a manic pixie dream girl, an untouchable and wholly desirable mystery was the ultimate marker of success.

I worked hard at becoming a fictional character, all the while thinking I was gaming the system, that I would make a fool of the men that I despised.


FUCKING SEVEN YEARS LATER

I realize that I based my identity on social constructs of women CREATED BY MEN.

These women characters were never meant to be anything more than a plot device, an means to assist the man in his journey. No depth necessary.


So I worked hard to craft an empty identity and now...

Well.. now I'm completely lost. I like the way I look. I still need validation. But I do not want to be a plot device any longer.

I thought, oh to be a fantasy, to be totally beyond the grasp of men would give me the ultimate power.

It did quite the opposite. Youth dies. Beauty is replaceable.

Conversation, however, is an art that becomes increasingly difficult to come by.

Rant High and Mighty: Gate Keepers

Do you know what's the worst of today?

People who insist they are the gatekeepers. Some people are legitimate gatekeepers. But there's one fucking gate and some of you aren't even qualified to shit.

GO FUCK YOURSELVES AND READ A BOOK ON ETHICS AND PHILOSOPHY ITS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE YOU LITTLE ASSHATS

What makes YOU the one to protect? Hmmm?

White Man's Burden but this time we've got it repackaged as compassion or empathy.


Of course we do need warriors. Oftentimes they are not the ones screaming for attention, blind to the fact that their lily white skin allows them to scream FUCK THE POLICE

I'm well aware, well aware of where I stand. A woman, yes, points against me, but a white woman. I'll never know what its like to be looked upon as less than a human because of my race.

I only know what its like to be looked upon as defective because I'm a grown woman who's scared of driving.

THESE DO NOT HAVE THE SAME VALUE.

I will never know what its like to fe…

Short Short Rant: Weinstein

I haven't been writing for years. I used to write because I was in love with 2 guys and I had no self esteem so this was my way of reaching out to them. That was the whole point of this ridiculous blog.

But I stopped writing when I lost interest in the muse upkeep. That is an incredibly stupid reason to stop. Now I have nothing but time. Literally. No assets. No income (yet). No idea where I'm going to be. I know where I WANT to be and I WANT to be back out west.

 I've had things to say but then... who gives a flying fuck what I think?

But then something like Harvey Weinstein happens and I go... huh... yeah I guess I do have an experience I can share. I'm aware of my own hypocrisy; I spent most of my life up until now catering to the whims of men.

This isn't a post about that. It's a post about how fucking disgusting... I can't get over this man. It wasn't enough to destroy girls inside out, you had to force them watch you and your undulating mass of po…

Ron and Don Short 2

'Hey...Hey Don?'

Don kept his head bowed and grabbed a handful of tissues. Surrounding him was a damp mountain range of wadded paper pulp and tears.

'Don you've... I know it's been difficult but you really... you really shouldn't reuse tissue paper like that. At least 10 people die of staph infections related to recycled tissues. Honestly it's disgusting Don- and I care about you.''

Don stared at Ron with a mixture of hate and awe. Ordinarily, Don would have likely done much worse than stare but today all he could muster was to force a malevolent, 'Thanks' through gritted teeth.

'You're welcome Don! I know we're not close...'

Ron did not have many people who actively sought his company.  The pity and obligation of others validated his sense of  a bustling social life.

'Don. I want to give you something. I know Cathy's passing was sudden-'

'I thought... The doctors said remission...'

'Don- they're …

Short 1

You're desperate for me to write a story but I'm a story TELL-ER.


There was a guy who really loved kids. Unfortunately,  he really only found himself attracted to 3-6 year olds.



Poor guy.



Instead of celibacy,

he drowned himself in a vat of balls at a McDonalds .

Don't feel too bad- he had about six kids sitting on his chest.

The paramedics didn't know a man could smile that wide.

It was a little tricky with the rigor mortis, as you can imagine.

Stream Rant

'Did you ever think you would be self-sufficient?'

NOO I DID NOT.


No. I grew up thinking that I was extraordinary and awful all at the same time. I thought things would jussssst HAPPEN.


Now I am an adult. At home. With my parents. With no job. With no money.


The incessant reaming of hospital bills. And the fucking kicker, my favorite part of all this, is that you think I deserve it in the very back of your mind, don't you? Who fucking knows. Spite and fear make me paranoid.

Oh sure... sure, you would call me delusional but what attracted you to me in the first place? MYSTERY.

 I didn't believe you and could say no despite it all. That was a novelty because of the hundreds of beautiful girls, beautiful accomplished DAZZLING well-to-dos and you put your eggs in my run down basket.

I thought I could just start writing and writing and it would never stop. But it did. It stopped. Now you tell me about structure...

I am so sick of you making me feel like garbage but I feel l…

Sheriff

You are a miracle.

Every breath

exalted,

every vice

forgiven.


I am your act of rebellion

a cause unaware

of its loss.


You are the sheriff

of a paper doll town.