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Happy Womyn's Day!

Happy Womyn's Day!

Let's make this a legit American day ladies. Like the rest of the world. Corn-fed and sweet as syrup-girls, you deserve it.

Let's get our eagle T's out and tie em up in that slutty knot that makes em tig ol bids get big as a salted deep-fried fuck! Monster truck rally after the mud wrestling and bull riding. Let the sounds of air guitar fill your delicate ears, maidens of awesome. I don't care about the rest of you-I only have time for wildflowers.

Ladies- you're all fione. Except you ugly jealous girls. But you ugly girls with no hard feelings are alright. And if you're prettier than me... I will cut you. But you gorgeous girls are my favorite. You gorgeous ones have the confidence of a deity, possibly the body of a pale elephant.

You know what makes you ugly?

Poor hygiene. Faulty appearance due to disheveled self-pitying not-give-a-fuckness ( unless you're gorgeous like a vitriolic Lilith BITCH LOOK IT UP). But most importantly... a lack of confidence.

Slut stop it. You're crazy sexy to me. And to all most or some of the boys. I don't need to see you to say this to you and know it is fact. BELIEVE IT! FLAUNT. YO. SHIT. GIRL. COME. ON.

I'm saying... you have to know you have it to flaunt it so stop ignoring it, shake em bitties, be a wife and a mother (and a whore if you have to) but do it with pride and without MALICE.

Womyn. We all need to recognize that there's enough sperm in sperm banks for us to get along just fine. Mens is just that crumble on top of the muffin. But that delicious frivolity is what makes our periods worthwhile.


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