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Biddie Queen



When I retire from being SEXY AS A FUCKING FUCK, I will crown myself queen of Biddies.

You see, I am a public service. My private service... bitch please, as if you could even begin to dream.


I am select reserve in real life ho. SELECT. RESERVE.

On the internet, I'll be your wifey-boo, slut-whore, therapist, girlfriend, bitch, WHATEVER.  I sugar your eyes with my semi-nude body. THE SAME WAY FOR YEARS- but thank you thank you for keeping my self-esteem bloated and obnoxious. But one day I'll be as awful outside as my delicious and awful insides. So I'm loving it now. I'm lapping it up like a thirsty cat. Or how you would lap my lapcat a.k.a. my puss, bro.  But I don't mind being old and wrinkled-cuz ill be a boss like Hugo till the day I die. And then MY GHOST will fuck you UP- wet dream sex style! I'll be taking all kinds of dream virginities. Actually, no- no virgins. Experienced manwhores. GHOSTS CAN'T GET STDS BRO!


Anyway, I appreciate the Biddie. I love the Biddie. If it wasn't for the Biddie, I would never get laid. If it wasn't for the Biddie, I wouldn't be praised.  The Biddie makes me stand out in a sea of stupid ass biddies-hipster biddies, country biddies, ghetto biddies-THANK YOU ALL BIDDIES.

The Biddie is that chick who can suck dick like a champ, but will also get you on Maury for a paternity test... because she thinks her vagina is connected to her stomach. The Biddie will believe you if you say you have an allergy to all forms of contraception. The Biddie will fuck you while you vomit and pass out drunk on the toliet- I FUCKING LOVE A BIDDIE!! But Biddies is stupid crazy. So just go and push her out the window.

I will have an empire of biddies. For you. I will harness the power of useless happy stupid sluts and send them your way. I will have several chunky biddies carry me, like a Roman empress, through the drunkest part of the city, where my procession will be lost to drunk husbands and lonely fucks. Bit by bit, till it's just me and Chantrelle, the one with the cold sores for lips rocking a day-glo spray tan.  We will get our hair done at 3 in the AM and I will compliment her platinum blonde mullet hair with the back part done jet-black and we get into a lucite heel fight. I will win.

Then, I utilize stealth, acquired throughout years of EPIC FUCKING BAD-ASSERY and sneak back into the open window of my retirement home.

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