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Placenta Pills and Period Pops

oh yeah?

You're grinding up your placenta and eating it?


Perfectly normal. Dogs do it too. But you won't be able to bronze it.


Oh you're using those spare Molly pill-cases to make it easier to swallow?

Good for you Ma, but I think you're a little behind the times.


If you really want to help yourself and your baby, you need to lick the pussy sweat and sac-blood off your newborn WHILE the cord is still attached. Just lap it all up and chew the bitch off its belly button. Your child will be traumatized by birth and a mother's tongue is the most sincere form of comfort, second only to her breast. Speaking of tits-you should probably drink a couple glasses of your titty milk too, Ma, to make sure it isn't poisoned.


Did you pre-treat your body with period pops?


Huh.

You never sucked off your tampon?


How is else will your womb recognize that it is cherished?

A uterus never forgets- it will resent the fuck out of your child and whisper passive-aggressive insults in its tiny not-quite-even-real-yet ears.  Your child will hate itself before it even realizes that it is a self.


Think about that neglected egg, desperate to be recognized and scrambled in your mouth. Selfish, selfish woman.


I'm sorry Ma, but if you eat placenta without a period-pop pre-treatment, your kid is going to grow up Republican.

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