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Quit Guilt Tripping Me While I Listen to Ginuwine Obama


I love you. I didn't vote for you. But that's because I can legally only live here and pay the gubment taxes. I can't vote yet. I like my green card. It gives me something to talk about at parties. I'm french-love this socialist master plan you've obviously got set up against Americans.

I really do love you. If I had money, I donate the fuck out of it to you. Maybe. Some of it. Well-I'd probably just vote for Mitt.

But if ifs and buts were chocolate and nuts, I'd be a lard-ass.

Mitt though... I mean, I'm in the market for a sugar daddy, you all know this.

I'm a beggar CHOOSING to void any theoretical proposal you would ever make to me, Romney. I have a terrible suspicion that fucking you is like fucking the gold Joseph Smith at the top of your own personal Mormon temple. While I probably would fuck a gold statue to make a name for myself, your policies on the privacy of my pussy are beyond my the state of my sexual boundaries. Of which I have none.

But President Obama. I have a small issue with your campaign.

These guilt-trip ads?

Listen. I just want to hear a fun and funky mix of early 90s R&B. I don't mind Pandora playing ads. I prefer your ads them to those of a man who legitimately thinks vaginas have teeth, I don't need you to make me feel the shame of a pimple-assed teenage boy caught masturbating in chemistry class. I just want to have a good time and listen to Ginuwine. I'm already a non-practicing Catholic. I don't want any more wood slapped on my cross. Especially not the wood of my friends who can't get married.

You don't think I want their equal rights?! You don't think I love the fucking fuck out of The Gays and Gayettes?

I do. I wish they wouldn't have to deal with such redneck restrictions on their freedom to draw up elaborate prenups and star in outlandish reality T.V. shows where everybody freaks the fuck out over one lost sequin on their wedding day.

I wish they could have a priest take his dick out of an altar boy for just one second, and find it in his heart to bless their holy union in matrimony- the only REAL way for God to know you really mean what your heart and your respectful genitals have decided to agree upon.

STOP IT. I'm a girl. I don't want to support Romney. I feel bad already that I can never be a Drag Queen. I feel bad that rich people don't want to give up some of their pocket change. I feel bad that ladies with a rape fetus in their lady parts might have to be forced to watch the doctor suck it out.  Don't make me feel bad for not voting and keeping myself informed but inactive. I have things to write about. Stupid things that people need to hear.

Obama. You've got this. Come on. People can't be this stupid-

They can't possibly be this stupid, Honey Boo-Boo.


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