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The Right One or The Romeo and Juliet Alternative

You want to find the right person for you?


Don't waste your time eharmonizing your personality.


Look. You think Romeo and Juliet would have happened if they had both joined a dating site?


No. Romeo would have gotten with some dumb ass skank, become an alcoholic because he felt so unfulfilled due to the lack of passion in his loveless marriage to a promiscuous yet matronly 15 year old, who, I can only assume, would go by Barbra. And he would have never even bothered to swear by moonlight or speak in verses... no all he would say is, " BAAAAARRB! BAAARRRBRA!! Where the FUCKING fuck have you put my fucking riding boots?" and then he would hit her when he realized he had them on the whole time. Then he'd go buy a harlot and cum on her back, crying while he reassesses his life value, and upon finding he has none, he'd just continue living to spite the world. Just another fat bitter married man who humps the leg of anything that moves and looks like a woman.


And Juliet? You think Juliet would have done any better?


Well.. she would. I mean she'd marry a rich guy, for sure. Blue-blood bitch... but she'd be miserable too because he'd be a closeted gay and she would know it, but she couldn't prove it. So she'd walk around the castle naked, doing pilates just to get a little titty rub but Lazarus (her hypothetical husband) would just frown a bit and go out... riding. So poor Juliet, in all the throes of passionate youth, would be wasted in luxury, trapped in a castle owned by a man who found her parts to be repulsive, nothing short of absolutely hideous. Her self esteem would eventually hang itself and she would slowly unravel until one day she would walk in on Lazarus, making much ado about her brother's ass. She would snap, quietly, chop off both their heads and carry them around as if they were legitimate children... the townspeople would whisper something fierce and she'd hobble back and forth between the graveyard and her cold and lonely castle.



I know they commit suicide and all, but as far as tragedies go, I think that's better than their life alternatives.


The point is... if you want to have a match made, the perfect match, you're eliminating all the romance that comes from conflict and misunderstanding. You're skipping all the good nonsense and you're going to go straight into the bullshit.


Don't let a machine figure out the nuances of your desires for you; get reckless and meet your star-crossed match. Relish the thrill of the unexpected. Don't suffocate the surprise with a logical choice.


If it doesn't work out...


Well Romeos are a dime a dozen and Juliets are always ready and willing.

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