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How to Punish Crazy People or Let Me Talk to Jared Lee Loughner

So first off... i don't know how the family of this kid didn't see it coming, the dude is obviously fucking crazy. That is my case, and this is my point:




But denial can justify just about any behavior, and no parent wants to admit that their son is a violent batshit who thinks that the government has been using grammar to manipulate all of us into abject desperation. So Loughner family... I'm sorry that your son ruined all your lives. But I mean... didn't you check up on him from time to time? You didn't notice the fact that he's terrifying?

Anyway, now is not the time to berate family members.


So I don't claim to know what shooting a bunch of folks has to do with grammar, but I do know the most effective way to punish crazy people.

First off, you just can't punish a crazy in the way you would a normal person. It would be pointless. A normal person is scared of prison; a crazy person can relax because... well they're fucking crazy. Think about it. They probably think they're at an awesome amusement park. If they get shanked, they can just eat the person's face.


What you have to do is understand their particular brand of insane rationale and use it against them. In Loughner's case, I would explain to him that because he is literate and because he has written down his various hypothesises, he's really just playing into the government mind games. Grammar is necessary to construct a coherent thought, and while I wouldn't call his thoughts necessarily coherent, I would call them statements and they are inherently subject to grammar. So really, the whole thing about calling out the government for their manipulation of grammar is all part of the government plot that is specifically targeted against you, Mr. Loughner.


Shooting those people up was a ploy by the government to get you locked up. And now you have absolutely no free will. You never have, and you're all alone because no one believes you. So the government won. And it will ALWAYS win, so long as we keep the dinosaurs locked deep underground to monitor cell phone records and facebook wall posts to ensure that grammar is still alive and well among the youths. The whole abbreviation movement was a ploy to make kids think they were breaking the rules of language, but there are rules that apply to that style of language as well. Idiotic grammar, but still grammar... so you might as well suck it, Mr. Loughner, or stab yourself in the throat.


So you say this to Mr. Jared Loughner, then you give him a knife and you lock him in a padded cell for 24-48 hours.


No need to waste prison resources or bring up the death penalty; the problem would have taken care of himself.

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