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i've been missing out

like some shiiiiit

How have I not

scoped out the

hot as hotties

who LARP?

pump those cut off tees

to a motherfuckin 12

There's more than

enough rat tails

for me to wrap

around my body

More than enough

shining mullets

and cardboard swords

(with whicheth oneth

caneth make thy

penetration in moreth

ways than oneth sire...)

in a park or

behind a school

come on you fat

metal heads;

let me be your

princess lea

or whatever the

fuck it is you

fuck with


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'Hope, you don't have to use it on your wedding night.'

She handed the pistol to Hope, right after the vows, right before the reception.

'I'm just kidding, darling. Don't worry. He's a good man. You did well sweetheart. He's a good man. You'll be fine.'

Hope's paper-thin smile tried to grow as she stared at her grandmother's reflection in the mirror. The mother-of-pearl grip sparkled in her grandmother's hand, bathed by the Chapel's cheap buzzing lights.

'There's a bullet for you, just in case.'

Hope had left the gun on the table.

A week earlier, drunk off self-pity, she had taken it out of its case and walked to the kitchen, where she stuck the barrel in her mouth and proceeded to take pictures of herself to send to Ray.

In a rare instance of good fortune, her phone ran out of battery before she could indulge her sense of pithy revenge. She woke up and pried open her tear-salted eyelashes then made sure to delete an…