Today, not only did I become a woman
I became an American.
I didn't need to take an oath to become a citizen;
I just needed to get my hands on a pair of
tight grey Abercrombie and Fitch sweatpants.
I feel like every-slut today.
I feel like I could drink gallons of beer
And then have sex with some dudebro
with a sic sic sic gnar tribe tat
I feel like I could rock that vera bradley quilt bag
And a pair of pink uggs
With my hair back while I'm
talking on my Smart Phone
My ass is super enhanced in all of it's white-girl glory.
And if I do get a letter that threatens my deportation because I didn't take care of my paperwork, I'll just stroll in wearing my sweatpants and they'll apologize for mistaking me for a foreigner.