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MY FIRST PAIR OF SWEATPANTS

Today, not only did I become a woman

I became an American. 


I didn't need to take an oath to become a citizen;

I just needed to get my hands on a pair of 

tight grey Abercrombie and Fitch sweatpants.


I feel like every-slut today.

I feel like I could drink gallons of beer

And then have sex with some dudebro

with a sic sic sic gnar tribe tat


I feel like I could rock that vera bradley quilt bag

And a pair of pink uggs

With my hair back while I'm

talking on my Smart Phone



My ass is super enhanced in all of it's white-girl glory.


And if I do get a letter that threatens my deportation because I didn't take care of my paperwork, I'll just stroll in wearing my sweatpants and they'll apologize for mistaking me for a foreigner. 
 

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