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Showing posts from December, 2009

To the Mistress

Oh my darling,

Come rest your
weeping head
upon my lap 

You've been 
shunned a mistress


Malicious 
and Vicious
They've gone
to slander
love they
simply
couldn't 
understand

My darling girl,
I know that you are
another victim 
of cupid's

guerrilla

warfare

I see you 
So twisted
and contorted
By the grief
spilling
misery from
your eyes


Darling weep
till tears
have rid your
heavy heart
of all 
leaden weight

 I understand
Malheur du Coeur 


He will call you Love
But he won't ever leave her

Caught in the crossfire
Of another woman.



Lovely,Dear

What you do dear
Is none of my concern
Whichever feather bed 
you decide to rest your head
Can suit you nicely, 
better than my own

I am not a puppeteer
You are not a marionette
You decide what's best
Lest we forget 
I am not your mother
Father sister  brother

I am just a girl 
And you are just a man
I know what I like
And you might
only like the sight
of me but that
alone is a delight 

Simple thoughts
that wayward
lost you've
stumbled on

That is lovely
dear that is
comfort enough
for me my dear

New Year's Eve

In the last hours

of the year I 
think about
the mishaps
and mischief 
the love affairs
that shot off
like rockets 
and burst into
a thousand sparks
fading back to black

The broken hearts
that mended  
from willow to iron

I think about you 
and I'll think about
the others too 

I'll think about 
careless dances 
with friends
and friends of
strangers


So on this eve
Think back to
the last and 
wonder at
the strange
and twisted
road the time
of yesterday 
paved for your
tomorrow

Movie theatre

Let's talk dirty
in the back of
a movie theatre 
an old and dirty
placed dotted with
old guys and their
internet dates 

Let's watch a 
dime store 
romance on
a flickering screen
you and I
Let our 
hands wander
there in the dark
while a love 
scene glares
out from the
projector

I don't know what i want

I don't know what I want

I can't predict the future
Let alone predict the 
next few hours but

I know I want skin
on skin as much
as I can while
I'm young 

That'll be just fine for now
I'll let the waves of chance
come take me far away 
from the lighthouse

My Boys from Home

The thing about my boys from home
is that we've known each other for years
and we'll keep knowing each other for years
even if we can't see each other everyday


There's only so many people
I can watch milk porn with.

A Day Wasted is Well Worth the Waste

I woke up today
first at 8
then I went back to sleep
had some weird dreams
involving dragging the cat
back to the house and
trying to have a phone
conversation with bad
service ( even in dream reality
sprint isn't reliable) 

But then I woke up at 1230
And I've been sitting on my ass
LOVING EVERY DAMN MINUTE
I look frumpy, I'd take a picture but
You aren't going to want to jerk it
So how is that going to help my
infamously shameless self promotion?
(That blonde chick is me btw)

So I'm petting the cat
( not that cat pervos)
and kitty is all about it

And fuck it goddamn it 
I don't care America I'm
going to be fucking lazy
and stupid because I
deserve it for once
I deserve to be an idiot
I'm going to watch wives
swap lives and cheating
rednecks get punched
in the face by their redneck
fiances and I am loving it.

so.
suck.
it.

Lady Liberty

It came to me

in a dream
That I should seek
Lady Liberty 
to ask her

if the truth
is an honest

reality. 

I found her weeping
in a forest full
of fallen trees-
she beckoned 
me to sit in 
her stone lap.

So I followed
Her sob-stained cheer,
And came dreadfully near 
to her monstrous feet,
bound and afraid
to make a sound.

Into her lap I crawled-
Like a rat I crawled
so she asked me
what I wanted. 

I looked up
at her and I 
cried, "Love"

She laughed,
wearing velvet gloves
to pull a funnel
from her robe.

"I can't give you that my dear"
She sang through tears
"But I can make you happy if you let me"
So I opened my mouth wide
And closed my eyes tight so 
I wouldn't have to see
what She was to feed me.

Ten thousand pills came
rattling down the plastic
tunnel to settle in my throat.
I started to choke,

so she took them away. 


I thanked her sweetly
She bowed politely 
But I could see 
the raindrops
falling from her eyes

"Don't  Cry"
"But if I don't child, I'll surely die&…

Yes, I know what you want.

Here you go:
Happy Wanking.

What Happened.

What happened to Bernadette?
I think she left. She became a stripper out west.

And Tom?
Lost all his money. Joined the Navy and kissed a bomb.

What about Harry?
Harry shot himself. The weight of the world he couldn't carry. 

Then Sandrine?
Overdosed in Beverly Hills, tired of trying to live the dream.

Is Jenny still around?
Knocked up. Every night her husband kicks her to the ground.

Whatever happened to Max? 
He's in jail for stuffing a girl in a sack. 

And You?
Me?
I'm just a lonely fool with a vast vocabulary.  

I know a girl

She laughed when
she found his money
in his old boots
The money that
he hid from her;
She spent it all.

In their apartment
By the green sea,
they were happy.

He would paint
her when the
morning came
through the streaks
on their window panes.

Together they
would walk
where the boats
rocked against
the old dock.

Her hair would
play with light,
Coal black it would
dance along her
brown shoulders

She laughed;
It sounded
like bells
to him.

That Night

That night
we looked
out towards
the streets

It was cold;
That was
only an excuse
to get close

You pulled me in;
You placed your
arms around
my waist;

I think you
knew where
they belonged

Phone Sex is Still Thriving

If all else fails,
Ladies when the going gets tough
Be aware of the fact that there 
are still tons of lonely slobs
would love to hear you read
from a Danielle Steele novel 
while you eat a popsicle 

Phone sex is still a powerful business,
So even if you do sound like a raspy wasp 
with all that gravel and grit in your throat
There's someone out there waiting for you 
to get them off. 

They won't hire you unless you have a Bachelors Degree, fyi.

John Basedow

John Basedow is a male
Butterface.
It's really disconcerting. 

But that jingle is beyond brilliant

"It's Fitness Made Simple.
Made for real People."
Hell yeah. It makes me want to get Fat so I can lose weight so I can be a Real Person. 
And it's true. IT's very true that it's fitness
MADE simple because we all know
that fat people are also mentally challenged
Or else they wouldn't be fat, right?

Yes it's Christmas (technically no, it isn't)
 but I have a cold

I'm surly and 
I'm awfully hazy tonight
But not the kind I like.

So instead of pondering the state
of American Culture and devising
a fool proof plan to usher in a golden 
age of hedonistic pleasure and decadence, 

I am getting down with John Basedow commercials. 

Check out this Hunk:




Here's a kleenex. Go clean up. 

Inherent Sense of Fidelity

My issue here is
That I have an inherent
instinct for fidelity

I am hardwired to
be loyal even though
I've never had the
occasion to demonstrate it.

Whereas other people
For the most part do not
Care for fidelity
(they can say they do, but they do not)

However, part of keeping
gears oiled is recognizing
that most people don't have
what you have

Leona Lewis/ Scarlet Johanson

I have heard her songs on the radio. You know know I love that jawnts.

But I never knew what she looked like.

Leona Lewis has to be one of the most incredibly lovely women I've seen of late. Simply exquisite.

And her marvelous voice only highlights how much of an aesthetic joy this woman is.


Sidenote: I was watching He's Just Not That Into You ( Yes I enjoyed it. I can't ALWAYS fight that kind of stuff.) And my god. Scarlet Johanson has got an incredible rack. Simply outstanding. Good face...but that rack is out of this world. 

Sometimes, When No One Looks

sometimes,

when I have
finished playing
the Grand Dame

I slip into 
daydreams 
that stress
the notes 
of  my feminine
disposition

And I'll start
to think about
How lovely it
could be to call
someone my baby

How nice how
pleasant it might
be to take care of
the affections of
another for the
sake of  watching
their gentle pleasure
I like to taste those
thoughts and let
them melt 
softly,

to lull
my reverie

Las Vegas

I want to go to Las Vegas;
Sometime I want you to 
Take me inside salacious
Palaces decorated with
Neon flashbulbs exploding;
Watch  a sick glow over the
Midnight show dressed
in decadence (and peacock 
feathers mindless on 
the dance floor) 

Let's go off into that
Screaming sunset 
Wild Plastic twilight 
Stitched with sequins
Let's go wander streets
Let's go meet some
strung-out strangers
And drink coffee
Before dawn breaks

For a little while
Let's get stupid
On sunshine 
On Magic
On the sands
of Sin and Din

To J G, You Motherfucker.

You sir, 
are the most awful
and immoral shit
that I ever had
the misfortune of meeting

You knew that the sleeping
aid you were going to give me
wasn't going to help me sleep.

You knew full well that I
would fare better as an insomniac.

And yet, I trusted your authority
and gave those meds a shot. 

NOW all the good feelings
the joy the mellow smiles
are gone. Thanks to that
STUPID fucking pill. 
And you...you knew that would happen

You knew it wouldn't do anything but keep me UP
and then knock me out so that I didn't even remember 
going to sleep you rotten little shit. 

All you see are dollar signs and porno mags you vile old pig. 

You wanted me to be dumb numb and blind so I could 
develop some  addiction to some kind
of zombie pill so that YOU could go and collect the check.
If you have a boat, I'm burning it. 
You're a fucker, sir and that's all you'll ever be.
What happened to the hippocratic oath?
Clearly you were keeping fingers crossed.

I'm amazed, dumbfounded and spectacu…

Christmas Gift

I got some nice and practical gifts but this is what I really want:
You ready? Okay.

All right now you take off your pants
Come to my house
and get in my bed
and you know...
slide on down my
chimney 

Don't even front, you know that's what you want too. 
ALL OF YOU
that's what all of you want

and some of you might be receiving it now
and some of you might not 
and some of us might have to wait 
an unspecified amount of time,

so that it would be a gift of Ramadan depending when Ramadan is this year.

Just... Strokin. 

To Be Honest

To Be quite Honest
For all those sad-looking
faces I make in photographs
(what song am I referencing...bonus points)
I am so hopelessly goofy 
That it makes me cringe. 

But then, here comes the saving grace,
I can still manage to look enticing
Should the situation call for it

I have yet to entice someone
With my ridiculousness 
But I'm sure some Rodeo clown
will fall in love with me one day

Ah...to taunt bulls with a clown
Almost as delightful as spending
an afternoon in Atlantic City.

The Story of Gary, Jesus' Lesser known brother

It's Christmas eve, and this is my gift to you. 

Let me tell you a little story about Gary. Gary isn't technically in the Bible, but he was around. 
This is what happened with Gary.
Gary was born the regular way ( There ain't nothin wrong with a little bump and grind folks). This is before Mary wised up to the idea of immaculate conception. 
It was rough being Gary... he was born in July so no wise men came to give him mir or frankincense...it was too hot. The trip wasn't worth it. I mean it was Gary...not Jesus. So all he got was a three-legged donkey and a barrel. To be fair, it was an awfully nice barrel. Gently used but still functional. 
Gary wasn't exactly the most interesting or smart or good looking guy in Bethlehem. He didn't have much pre-natal care so he ended up with a lazy eye that he could see into the future with. People didn't believe him because...well it's hard to believe someone with a lazy eye. 
When Jesus came along, Gary was stoked. Very…

I want it; a haiku.

You better give it.
And if you don't, I'll take it.
So give it to me. 


(There is an odd disconnect due to sedatives between my imagination and my textual translation. Apologies. This haiku is the best I can do. It's christmas...cut me some slack. )

Tourette's Documentaries.

Thank you Tourette's Documentaries.
When I start getting those stupid 
thoughts and I start questioning motives
I hope to god there is a documentary on Tourette's
Because 
I cannot help laughing at those
spastic children. 

Yes, I'm bad. so are you. 
so shut up.

Red Fish Blue Fish

Red Fish Blue Fish 
in a barrel or a pond 
Have I become a shrew
Who tamed has
been done wrong?
Then I won't stop to think;
No I can't stop to mourn,
I'll take that rifle and
I'll shoot them both down;
Perhaps a bit forlorn.



Le Hot Club de Jazzercise

I may have mentioned this before but,
I think it's important that I 
stress how important this particular
venture is to your well-being.
I am asking for a few good burly men (BURLY, no skinny dudes.)
and a few good women to collaborate
on making the University a worthwhile
place in the spring. Through the power of dance.

Specifically the art of Jazzercise. Yes, it is an art. 

Think flash mob but without the mob
Just a lot of spandex
A lot of loud pop
And a lot of enthusiasm 

It is impossible to fail at jazzercise. Impossible.


I will offer my guidance as a self-proclaimed jazzercise goddess.


Really though. Get back to me. Facebook if you're interested. 
This could make a stranger's day. 

Or people will think you're totally gay.
Either way, some good will come out of it.

Dear Condescending Doctor

You have no neck
Just a huge chin
that ought flap
in the wind 

You are a fat
gray and altogether
Wholly unpleasant slob

It's not my fault
That you can't
see your penis

I just wanted to 
get some sleep 
and you just
wanted to 
con me into
feeding myself
unnecessary pills

What do you think I am?
Stupid?

Get back fat cat,
Give me something
with butterflies 
that won't
desecrate my
sex drive

Dear Insomnia, I'm going to Miss You ( But not Really)

Well old friend,
I suppose this is
about the time;
I am pressed
to bid you adieu. 

Adieu! With habit
I grew accustomed 
to your meandering 
after sunset
before dawn 
(Red Eyes, I 
couldn't see 
you if I tried)

I am so sorry 
But it has come
time for me to let
you go; watch over
another frustrated
poet or love-sick 
teenager somewhere
in the midlands

I won't be jealous
Perhaps only a 
little envious
But that's because
What we had, 
Baby,
Most people
only dream about.

Good Bye Insomnia, 
A fair-weather 

friend that stole
my umbrella 
when the rains 

came down.

Myopic Cowgirl

Mission Statement

I think what I want to do for a while
Is to be a journalist of human emotion
And everyone knows that a good journalist
Is as objective as possible,
So I guess I have to get to know as 
many potential situations as possible
through the eyes of the other

And how will I do that?

I don't quite know yet.
Maybe that will be my
christmas gift!
(I'd rather have a feather trimmed cocktail dress but I'll take it)

the poet

(good lord.
It's so simple.)

IN LOVE with creating.
Writing for the sake of 
finding beauty beyond 
glossy magazine prints
Anything can sing
the Body Electric;

Passion that sends a 
thousand volts through
every cell that vibrates;
Give my soul shelter

I'm radiating satellite signals
from a no name place in an
east coast state 

I'm calling out to whoever

can listen to the silent 
melodies of the text
That flows from fingertips




Why'dya have to bring reality into my delusions?

Today I realized

just how stupid
and pathetic

this whole little
charade of romance
that i preserve in thought
actually is. 

The story will never unfold.
Never a second thought on his end
Here I am wasting my time
debating possibilities and occasions. 

So I'm going to wean myself off of 
that nasty story  that keeps
me from promiscuous philanthropy 

Because what's the good of me
unless I'm naked in a bed writhing
and pretending to have a good time?

Exactly. Intelligence is the worst thing that could have happened.

Second worst is having a small rack and a small ass

Third worst is needing glasses. 


The Frumpy Woman wins

Let me see now...
Yes, Frumpy wins.
She wins because
I cannot compete
with the rest

I'm holding out
for someone who 
will be aroused by
my MIND.

MY ARMS ARE TIRED

IT doesn't exist. 

He'll get his fix
and then on to
the next one,
the more dazzling
and gorgeous tinkling
laugh the pretty pretty.

So I can't rely on how I look
If you really must find me
pleasing, you can only find
delight in what i write 
and the aesthetics might
only serve the whimsy 
of a forlorn love sick
narrator with ashy sheets.

They do not mean a thing on their own.
That's not the kind of face I have. 

I wish I could sell sell sell
But there's no market for it.

Asshole.

The next time I'm in chevy chase
walking along maple street
I'm going to find where you live
I'm going to drag you outside
And I am going to push you in 
front of a bus and if that
doesn't kill you, I'll 
curb you till your 
head explodes.
Leave me alone
fuckface.
You were probably a failed abortion.
 Jerk off to 
porn stars, not me
you lonely sack of shit. 

I hope a wolf completely maims whatever malformed microscopic genitals you have.

Pin-Up Girl Cigarette Break

For a moment

And for a moment...
Amidst the sparkling
mist of ice that fell 
gentle on the concrete
streets of purgatory 
I lost myself in the
rose that tinted a
grey coat of night sky
It spilled unto the 
lake shores while
the wind whipped
away the traces
of our heavy feet

Everybody's got somebody

I know you're probably
nice and warm all huddled
close with your BABY 
while you coo sweet
stupid Nothings in
her lovely little ears
I know everybody's got
somebody tonight to
keep them warm 
to kiss in the snow

You know what I got?
I got a shit ton of weed
And a loving right hand.
I don't quite know which is better.
I suspect finger banging by a lover
probably beats coughing up
smoke and tar companions 

But I don't have to worry about
looking pretty because a joint
doesn't have eyes to critique me.

Victimized by Cirumstance

Victims of Circumstance
You and I will be consistently
thwarted by mischievous situations

(O How I loathe them and my own lust for you.)

And I, forlorn and ridiculous, 
will promptly bask in 
the glory of IF and WHEN
while you go off into the
decadent sunset, bathing
in pleasure as beautiful
as the ones who offer it

As we watch the torrent of
ice and snow that befalls 
unfortunate windows
I will try to avoid the sting of
disappointment that claws and
kneads to decide upon
my lethargic countenance 

Such dull aches I've
imagined and you
wouldn't even give a 
second thought to symbiotic 
erotics; you and I are
victims of circumstance.

Snow

Wishing you were here with me
Near to me lying low listening
To the snow fall silently damp
cold and quietly quilting over
streets and porches bright 
with christmas lights
Wishing that Nothing 
ever could have been 
Sleeping softly next
to you I had hoped to
watch the snow fall
with you tomorrow

Fact v Fiction

I'd like to think
dear
That you really
ARE quite infatuated
with me but you're
Just
TOO
damn
SHY
to even
THINK 
about telling me

(and you should be. I'm quite a liability.I can do just as much damage as a cougar but in a kitten-like fashion )

And even if that's NOT true,
I don't care 

because I'll
never know


Fact or Fiction, what's the difference?
Isn't it the same process that so many
people use to believe in the zombie awakening
of Some Guy who called himself Jesus?

Sex with a Writer.

You know what?
I don't think I've
ever had sex with a writer.

I wonder what that's like.
I wonder if it feels exactly like 
self-stimulated love...

In which case, I'd be delighted.

Christopher Walken.

Is my dream boat dream man.

You got a crush on me boo?
You better bust out some Walken. 

I know there's an age difference there
But I've been known to have my cradle robbed
(lol)
So Walken, if you're reading

You better be walkin over my way.

Things I like

I like steven seagal patrolling parishes
(although I'd wish he'd be the sherif of berwyn heights so I could see him every day)
I like talking about the technicalities of pie dough
(I made a custard pie. Better than Gran's. I can teach you if you're willing to learn)
I like watching guido love stories unfold
(Ronnie and Sam smushed)
I like that Steve wakes me up with little cat kisses
(Even if he only wants to wake me up so I can feed him)


But most of all, I really love Soft Core porn.

So what I want you to do is come pick me up
and drive around doing donuts 
in some shitty parking lot
With some shitty beer and some
cheap cigarettes and then we'll go 
back to my place and watch some
Soft Core porn until the fake tits
lull us to sleep on the couch

Camille,until Christmas, will talk to (at) you like Bullwinkle

So I decided
after eating some eggs


That If anybody is feeling low
Upset or needs advice before Christmas

I'm going to ask you to call me
So I can talk at you like Bullwinkle
( If you've never met me, I'm quite the impersonator) 
And I guarantee you it'll cheer you up

If it doesn't, I'll come to your house
DRESSED like bullwinkle and
I'll put squirrel ears on you
and say
HEY ROCKY
You're going to laugh.
You might not want to,
But you have to understand
I'm really good. 

So get at me if you need cheer.

Do not get at me if you're going to try to holler. 
I have a couple people I would accept hollering from
But that's not a lot of people so
Don't bother.


George michael had it, but mine is running out

FAITH
gotta have it

I have an abundance
I'm selling it at clearance price

I think I'm putting faith on the back burner
I like to think a good man is 
right around the corner 
but it's usually a balding
fat sweaty man with unusually
plump fingers

Which is...nice...but
not exactly what I 
had in mind. 
So faith... well I have
faith in something 
new now I guess

I have faith in 
the ridiculous 

So it's a new goal 
to see as many ridiculous
things in a day 

And if there isn't anything ridiculous
Then I'll do something ridiculous

Eventually, I'll manage to 
wipe that nasty little libido 
clean off the slate and 
then I'll be free to concentrate
on....

well that's no good. 
Never mind, I'm keeping my sex drive.
But I'm getting rid of faith. 

Well no, maybe I won't. 

It's christmas right? 
Soon?

I think I'll replace faith with milkshakes and never have an unhappy day 

Until my arteries explode.

Black Peacock

Black Peacock
whips me 
with whispers
Rustling his 
oily feathers

In the castaway
shadows I 
do not see 
him but
I feel his
shallow 
breath

He dances a

hypnotic waltz
chained by
rusted steps

Ghastly and
familiar I
have them
memorized

Softly, I can 

hear him as
he cries out
my name  

I beg him Please

Leave me to my
Caprice a little
while longer 

How will I
know I've
gone to 
heaven
when I
wake up 
dead?

What makes Jon Hamm so irresistible?

Simple.
He probably has a big dick.
How do I know?
I don't. OH i wish i did though.
But you know, he just looks
like the type of guy who is
the proud owner of a 
big dick. And he's also
classy in a manly way
That is so refined 
(aesthetically of course. I don't know him. He could be the sum of all douche.)
Suits should pay 
to be on that man's
body...
if suits could
pay money
they would. 
The character
might have 
a lot to do with it

That guy just brings
out the masochist in 
a girl you know?

What I wouldn't do for him to get at me


Tear it up Jon Hamm, tear it UP. 

If you don't know who I'm talking about
You're just... culturally backwards
(Next you'll tell me you don't watch the Jersey Shore)
But here's a picture of him:



You try and tell me that guy doesn't give Dolomite a run for his money.

Audience, Bare with me(.Rawr Rawr She Bear no one can understand you!)

Dear Audience,
Whether there is one
or none, I will still address you. 

I am quite frustrated with myself. 
You see, the gorgeous ideas that
shake and shine for my mind
Simply cannot be rendered
justice by my words at the moment.

Simply because I lack the skill. 
Mark my words, darlings,
I will garner the skill over time
By consistent use of my keyboard
a keyboard. could be yours, even.
Or his. Or hers. Or theirs. 


The point I'm trying to make is,
bare with me in my constant
metamorphosis until 
I can really give you those
Ideas I talk about all the time
in the full glory that they 
deserve. Adorned like
soldiers homeward bound.

So keep reading. 
And then eventually
You'll see what 
I'm saying.


Or should I just draw
you a picture?

Music and Will

For the sake of this particular theory let us assume that Schopenhauer is correct in his assumptions about music. 
Music, according to Schopenhauer, does not elucidate any particular idea in the way the other arts do. Mind you, we are assuming that there is the one-ness of reality, the will, the individualized forms, ideas, and our perception of those ideas. 

Music is a manifestation of pure will, that which we are twice removed from experiencing in our daily lives. 
I believe that an orgasm orchestrates a similar response in an individual. That is to say an orgasm is an example of experiencing both the sublime and the will. In those lusty throes of passion, we tend to lose ourselves completely in sensation and become a pure knower ( to borrow the term from that esteemed pessimist) of pleasure ( the purest form of pleasure, the idea of pleasure). 
So then it should logically follow that an orgasm produced by the nimble touch of a musician, who is capable of manipulating subjectivity throu…

I am tired.

I want to leave today
I want to go and 
play with tomorrow

I am tired of all 
this knowledge
beating my brow
for the sake of a
Horse I can't
even ride.

I am tired and
I want to go 
Everywhere
But home.

What is the next mythical trend in pop culture?

I should like to cast my pop culture predictions
into those murky waters of the 
year ahead, 2010. 

It used to be wizards when
Harry Potter could still 
sing in a falsetto 

This year, we all collectively
lost our shit over vampires. 
Twilight
Trueblood
that's it really, but
people really love
vampires ( I am not immune to this trend. I am eagerly awaiting the next season of true blood even if the season finale was a total bust. I was embarrassed about it, but it's a very engaging program. So sue me, I like vampire Bill. What's not to like? Probably the vampire part. )


I say that the next logical step
Are love stories between 
unicorns and humans

Except the unicorns 
can shape shift into humans
who have to drink human blood
in order to survive and become 
wizards. The unicorn people will
fall in love with human people
and the Virgin will either have
magical powers or a secret tail
or dead parents. Actually,
dead parents are a must. 

HBO, if you steal my idea,
I am going to be belligerent
and indignant…

half-dreams

I start my days off
in a half dream
you are always in it
if you must know,
I'm showering you 
with all the tenderness
I could possibly give
you in the spectacular
dimensions of my mind.

Tiny Dancer

Although Elton John doesn't know it,
That song is what I'd like to live my life by.

Yes, I will marry a music man. 
I count the headlights on the highway
But I'll lay you down in sheets of linen. 
Kiss you on your forehead and softly sing
you love songs in my mother tongue
until you fall asleep and I leave you
to the company of morning

Speaking of Sex, can someone explain the experience of monogamy to me?

I know it's going to come off sarcastic
But trust me, I'm sincere.

I have never had monogamous sex.
I have thought I've had monogamous sex,
But I was quite mistaken.

So let me ask you, monogamous people,
What is it like to have sex with someone you love*
who loves* you back?

Is it like my hallmark channel erotic fantasies?
I imagine there's always a soft hazy light and
soft rock playing in the background 

Really though, I figure it must be nice.

How does sex feel for boys?

I don't know exactly what it feels like for a guy to have sex
But I like to think that it feels the same 
As when I take care of myself

I understand guys, it's hard to be emotionally attached to your right hand/a girl.

The Key

The key to having a successful career
Is not building it based on morality.
Sooner or later, you're going to 
have to face the fact that you 
live in a glass house and everyone
can see you when you're throwing stones
naked and wet in your bathroom. 

That's why I choose salacious over pious. 
I am pious about salaciousness though. 

Jesus was a man after all... 
I'm just saying.
It makes sense.
The most moral people tend to be
the most vitriolic in their lack of integrity. 

Mother Theresa stopped believing in God but she didn't stop the presses.

Cnn.com...does it again.

under the section of US news
on the cnn website 
are the top news (?) stories:
Woods on 'indefinite' break from golf
(see previous posts)
Mortgage rescue hopefuls left in a lurch
(get ready)
Kendra Wilkinson becomes a mom (!!!)
(and finally)
NASA delays launch of spacecraft

Ahh cnn... always there for my news needs at five in the morning. 

Don't Say I didn't warn you

Hey
I really appreciate people who read this
(not just jerk off to the pictures.)

But people who won't play nice
Don't say I didn't warn you, okay?

Fuck with me once, shame on you.
Fuck with me twice and I'll come after you with a baseball bat covered in rusty nails.

LEAVE TIGER WOODS ALONE

Oh good lord.
Really?
Is it REALLY that big of a deal?
He's still a good golfer right?

 I mean if you were worth half as much, don't tell me you wouldn't do the same thing.
Don't go through other people's dirty laundry.
People cheat. People have sex with other people.
RICH PEOPLE HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE.
But good lord, leave the poor guy alone.
He's probably sobbing and wiping his tears away with a 100 dollar bill.

And leave those girls alone too. You just wish you could sleep with him.
I would. But I can't.
I don't resent him or his buxom lovers.
Really though...
There are worse things he could be doing.
As for me
Well...you probably shouldn't listen to me. I'm broke. I'm picking my carpet lint for green.
....
But I'm right though.

Kansas?

Hey readers in Kansas
I don't believe I know
anybody from Kansas

But I'm flattered!
Apparently I've
got some visitors
from around there

If you're army boys, I'm proud of you

If you're pedophiles....I'm over 18.

If you're handsome, my number is-

Heart Sung

Sometimes
I'll listen to the

songs I used to
listen to back
then when 
I was still
in love 
with you.

The notes
The melodies
The music 
Used to be
so cruel 
to me...

It sounded like
a silent sea 
that trickled
softly pooling
on my weary
cotton sheets

The sea ran
dry and a 
desert took
its place 
cleaning off
the salt that
used to stain
my face 

(But)

I still listen to
the songs
I used to 
listen to 
when 
I used
to be in 
love with you

On Second Thought

Upon braving the cold
and the dangerously slick sidewalk
with my flat soled shoes...

I discovered that I can't claim
That I have even a DOLLAR to my name
Barely 75 cents. 

Upon calling the number
To inquire about my
disastrous financial situation

I come to find that Wachovia
has taken the liberty to assume
I will withdraw 5.76 on the 14th of December

And that an overdraft fee
Imbedded in mystery 
Didn't show up until
Tonight, my first night free 
of academic obligation

At this point
A sugar daddy
Doesn't sound half bad.
Thank you Wachovia,
You've made me reconsider
The worth of my integrity
( which is worth about 76 cents)

Joy

My misery
Does not
want your
company 
sir.

It hisses;
stings like
a widowed
snake in
tall grass

Ah but Joy!
She beckons
To be tasted
Touched and
loved by all 

So come child
Come to me
and let my Joy
inside you

If You look like one of these men...

IF you look like one of these men,
I'd like to date you, provided you are not like...50 years old :
These two especially:


Hell if you even know who these men are, I'd hop on it. 
(No FATTIES)




Blow

You would think
that I'd get more 
fantastic on the slopes

No. All it did was
fog up my brain

And I couldn't think
about anything except
for shoveling out the
rest of the snow
No romance
No laughs
Just nerves.
So it was a waste of twenty. 
Next time, I'll think in terms of Coleridge

Silly, But True

We found steve the cat
he's back on the rug
He was curled up at the corner
of my bed all morning 

I wish you could come over
We could pet him and our 
hands would touch 
I'd look up at you
You'd look down at me

An accident is all I need

extension?

so let me just
get this straight.

Lady you're telling me
I stayed up all night
forking white gold
to make sense of
CANNED MEAT
rhetoric 
and 
there's
an
extension?
Words cannot express how I feel.
Emoticons, however, can:
:/ 
and then:
>: (

HATE ME

I'm begging you to despise me please
I'm a walking contradiction and 
I think my shit don't stink 

You gotta hate me man,
I spit on your mother's pussy
Then I go and write about how
good it felt
POORLY.
like this: "ur m0ms puss is liek fukin dank. ima start makin milkshakes wit dat ass"
I'm a POSER I 
think I'M SOMEONE
But it's your job
to rip the stitches 
and have me burst at the seams
Because you know best?
Of course you know best
You winded old bag,
You see me
You touch me
And you talk to me
everyday 
You know me better
than my own mother
(who you should hate for bringing me into this world. That vile reptile. ) 
I am JUVENILE and stupid
I don't know which way is up
down but all I know I don't know shit about
So what I  want you to
is hate me till your
eyes bust open and you 
bleed blue all over those
cum-stained motel 6 sheets

Go ahead motherfuckers, do your worst.

comforting thoughts?

hehe
when I'm 23
you'll be in your 30s
hehe.

It's cool,
I'll totally bone
you before you 
liquidate your finances
on a slick red whip

oh yeah and how about pot coming to DC eh?
That oughta make it a much better place for senatorial discussions. 


And what else is in the news?
I don't know, I don't have a muse
exactly ( i have potential but that's like wearing the ugly sweater that was given to you as a gift for the sake of principle. )

So I just don't know what to talk about. My heart isn't being violated, it's just kind of beating away. So tell me a little bit about yourself

What do YOU like to do?
do you like to walk along the beach? oh yeah me too...me too...

What is my muse?

I've discovered that my muse is Romance.
This is after considerable struggle with my artistic and inspirational identity
I've decided that I must be both in order to fully utilize my potential as a wordsmith. 
I suppose what needs to happen in order to actualize my full creative potential is to find a romance that reciprocates my needs unto the other. That is to say that we are not necessarily one another's muse but that in engaging and fulfilling our carnal desires we promote a creative response in one another so that artistic stability is ensured. 
Make Love, Make Art.
But only if you can make art in the first place. We can examine this together later, over coffee.

Insomnia.Foe.

I don't know what I should do
Should I go outside in the rain
take a couple wet steps
for the sake of a few cigarettes?
I already went in there today
I don't want them to think
poorly of me
Granted, I could call it an adventure
And no one walks around this late
when it's that cold drizzle hissing 
on the pavement....But I can't sleep man
I don't know what to dream about
so what's the point of closing my eyes?

Irrational but maybe it would make
for some instant inspiration 

I don't know...I think I'll do it. 

Oh but no umbrella...
it's alright, I have a hat.

How to enjoy Chris Brown's music and still hate Chris Brown

So I was a-sittin here,
listening to some Chris Brown jams 
bein all like, how can I like this music
when I know he be beatin up on bitches
For real man, turn that girl into a 
blue and purple freak (Boy you a MESS)

And I realized that it's okay to like his music 
BE
CA
USE

He's not the one solely responsible for it. it's POP music. He doesn't write it. Other people make it and sell it and he sings it, he is a VESSEL for it. 
So it's fine. He's a dick. You can still enjoy the music because it's not technically his. 
I mean...yeah it makes HIM money...
but whatever, you're an american right?
God bless that Levi's flag. 
Now, give me that lovey-dovey

The Mountain

Massive  mountain
Stealing the breath
Of fortuned-favored
Soldiers who come
To conquer truth
Climb heavy heart
To rest your
lovely head on
the summit
When you wake 
you'll have found
yourself at
the very bottom
Alone again 
Held a passionate
captive by light
of the white
flame that
so often 
blackens 
the brave

Today, Someone Offered to be my Sugar Daddy

I woke up around 3 today
I didn't even care
Not even 4 hours into the day,
I get offered to be a sugar baby
Just like that. Someone told me
Today, that they would be my 
sugar daddy and I QUOTE
take care me of " mentally, physically, and situationally"

What did I say?
"We'll see after I get done studying..."

I don't go looking for trouble. I really don't.
I was praised for my personality though,
when I expressed my surprise considering
my generally frumpy appearance

He said I have a good personality. And then he spotted me 20 bucks. 
He said that I would be the Tina Marie to his Rick James
"Girl, you gonna be like Tina Marie. Ima write a note to your professors sayin Yeah I did it I know you be wantin to fuck all them hot ass girls in your class  But I did it"

These are the days of my life.

Lets be frank.

Hoo hoo hoo boy
I'm gonna fuck the brains
outta you boy goddamn
when I'm through with 
that ass, you're gonna
feel like you just got
your dick blessed
by the goddamn 
holy GHOST

Can I get an amen?

And a big marvelous FUCK YOU goes out to...

You fucking music snobs
yeah, the ones who only listen to music no one else listens to
it doesn't make you unique. all it does is limit the pleasure music can give you because of your stupid intellectual misconceptions. The worst part of it is that you assume that everybody else is a moron because they share common interests. 
VIVE LE POP!
I don't think I can pretend to give a fuck anymore
I love pop music. I fucking LOVE it.
And if that makes you think poorly of me
Then you should take a look in the mirror
and ask yourself who the FUCK you think you are?
You are a pathetic little goblin
and you think that because your tastes are superior
that you in turn hold the cultural reins 

Why don't you turn around
Bend down and let me
fuck you gently with reality

You aren't worth anybody's time, and I'm sure you realize it. 
And if you didn't then, you do now.

Tenacity of Fantasy

The moment I dissuaded myself from indulging in romantic allure, 
I find myself tempted by the possibility of a new vignette 
So I will take ephemeral pleasure
And I will call it by no other name
Laughing like the wind that
dances between violets

A pebble in the sea

Laughing in the face of fiends!
I have discovered myself 
I have draped myself in 
robes of brilliant dreams
That golden shine
Will leave you blind

I have stumbled upon
the essence of ourselves
Prevailing in the dirty face of circumstance
I will have you darling,
Trembling embrace
You will forget yourself
In a dream of fingertips  

Now taste the thought
of me like a pebble
savored by the

rolling sea

Its simple, really.

Basically, you have the world as your mega super market. 
And you need to be able to choose what you will eat,
And what you will discard in order to form your unique
albeit similar identity in this wide world of broken glass

So maybe you want to be turned from a good girl to a freak. 
Maybe you need to let the bad influences give you character.

I'm tired of my mental menagerie 
Are you tired of yours?
Coated in fictional romances
I'd rather go outside and 
get lost for a while 





If I was a health teacher

Hi...sorry I'm late...I got distracted by a crackwhore on my way... it's pretty amazing what you can do with a paper clip, tampons and a little imagination.
Boy! It is QUIET in here... Um... okay I'll start. My name is Camille Frere and I'm addicted to online pornography and -aren't you all a little young to be in NA? How old are you?
12?
Damn...you must have all ruined your parents' marriages-Woops! 
Wait this doesn't really look like the warehouse...what is this? Is it a party? You got blow? 
This looks suspiciously like a classroom...
Ohhhh yeah...it's monday...heh...yeah sorry about that class! The fumes must have gotten me first hand high! SORRY sorry sorry. Well! Welcome to... Sex Ed.
Let me write that on the board for the deaf kids.... 
oh this is one of those blind people schools...okay well let me write that on the board so I can remember where I am. 

Now kids...you're going to go through a lot of changes. Let's start with the girls. 
Girls, you&…