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Showing posts from November, 2009

My submission letter to the New Yorker

I read the New Yorker sometimes

When I can.

So I sent in some poems. Realistically, I don't really have a shot. Rhetorically, I might. Here is my letter of submission:

I have attached three poems I'd like to offer for submission.I'm twenty years old so I won't take it too hard if these pieces are rejected; I'll just keep submitting every other year until I've given up the dream. And then I'll settle as a housewife and develop a comic but tragic valium addiction that will have my children committed to psychotherapy. (which will have come back in to fashion by that time).


Camille Frere

And so I have begun formally blacklisting myself in the literary community.

Estrogen...Bane of My Existence.

Estrogen makes things much more complicated than they ought be.

For example: a phone call.

You would think, "Oh, yes I can just call him"

No. no you can't do that. Because you're a woman.

Instead you're just going to wait and wait and wait

and then you're going to listen to love songs

and then the estrogen is going to kick

you in your metaphorical sack

and you're going to curl up in a ball going


Really. The answer is simple. SO SIMPLE.

And it's not pride. Oh lord know it's not pride.

Ha ha ha...pride. at this point it couldn't be.

It's the fear of imposing your emotions. It's also the fear eschewing the vague for the finite. In the grey, I can imagine. In the black I'm just going to cry like a little girl. In the white...well I don't think I've ever been the white.

I don't want you to be responsible for my emotions.

I just can't find the words...


I Bet You're Fucking Movie Stars.

It struck me

this wet dusk

that I have

been perfectly

miserable for

hardly any reason

at all

Unrequited yes

perhaps but

the err would

lie dormant

in your lap

Time separates us

You and I

I am unhappy

in chains here

Because I

don't have the

luxury of going

off into the



after several

seasons have

wash and hung

themselves to dry

over melodramatic eves

I will writhe

Salacious in

your conscience

shedding the veils

of forgotten nights

Post Modern Erotics

Usually, you know, she's not really there. Her body is. But her mind leaves

and watches her like a ghost on the ceiling

Sometimes her mind is captivated.

And then of course, he captivates her body.

But what if he wins? If he wins, she has been defeated.

Because he won't just dance with her body

He'll play with her mind.

So she'll hold back until her

mind has captivated his body.

Accepting the Fact

The worst part of it

is that even though

I can't remember much

of last night and the other nights

I still remember that i want you

and you don't want me.

And in its simplicity,

this statement sends

my life into pits of

complicated snakes

that only sleep when

there's a chemical

tidal wave to stitch

their poison mouths.

I just want to kiss you
over and over
and again.

The Reality of Camille

One day maybe

you can come over to my house

it's not very nice but we try to keep it respectable

and then the day will fall into the embrace of night

and I'll fall into your arms like I did before

When I wake up before you

I'll let you lay awhile and

I'll kiss you on the forehead

I'll bring you coffee

I'll bring you scones

I'll be dressed and you'll still be in bed

But I'll climb on top of you and

give you mint flavored kisses

until I have to go to class

I'll kiss you goodbye

and then I'll look up at you

while you're still rubbing

sleep from your eyes

I'll smile when you kiss me back

but you'll have your eyes closed

So you won't know how much

I enjoy your touch

How much I love

your taste

I'll let you sleep and

you'll be gone when

I come home but

I know you'll come back

Greasy Hips

Shedding my omniscient narration for a moment

I'm going to tell you something about myself that's true.

I have the greasiest hips this side of the mississip.

Maybe not THE greasiest but for a white girl

I can grease my hips like no other.

In fact, I spend about an hour a day greasing these hips.

I'm telling you this because you've probably never seen me dance

But let me tell you, I dance. Oh do I dance.

My life is a dance so naturally...I'd expect myself to be able to dance.

You've never seen me dance because I don't go out very much at all.

This is due to my age. In two months, I'll probably be dancing with you.

Until then though, I'm going to keep greasing my hips like you

gloss your lips. You will be surprised. You won't be amazed

But you will definitely be surprised.

And you know I do it because I hope it transfers to the bedroom

But as I have already told you, making love to me is like making love to a rickety bridge

But an extremely graceful rickety …


I never thought he could surpass real talk

he did though


he managed to make a song called...


Girl you make me want to get you pregnant.

That's the chorus.

Listen to the song. It will get you pregnant.

Really though internet weirdos who give me hits,

if you REALLY want to experience me horizontally

( I'm warning you, it's not that great. I'm pretty bony's kind of sharp and rickety...kind of like making love to an old bridge)

You must come up to me and SING: make me wanna get you pregnant.

Hey fellas I'm WAITING... only gets better with time. Like wine. Or a herpes outbreak.

When Presidents Die

why does the public cry

when presidents die?

Knowing a man

who doesn't

know you

Death becomes us all

Kings and paupers

Weep for those

you've held

Not those you behold

in agnozing awe

save your tears

they sparkle

in your eyes

The Mormon Church

What can I say about mormons...

extremely well behaved and pleasant

I knew a girl who was mormon

and she stuck up for me in high school

when the fat girls would make fun of me

So really...I don't have a problem with mormons.

I have a slight problem with the book of mormon.

I have a slight problem with the mormon notion that black people are black because god charred them as punishment for remaining neutral in some war between god and his bro the devil.

Also...I don't know if the Native Americans and the Romans had an epic battle...much less met face to seem to point towards no...

I could see Mary getting knocked up by an alien though...she was a bit of a loose goose.

And I guess Jesus was fucking serious bitches back in the day...I mean it would explain why I'm so...the way I am.

No...I think the catholic guilt is probably why I am the way I am.

But really what I like is that right by my american hometown there is a chunk of oz off of 495.

And's a l…

New Lows for Women

I was reading Us weekly today

because I thirst for knowledge

and it occurred to me that

I was rather low for

reading those glossy pages

But I could always sink lower

Like this:

I could go to a strip club to pick up boys

I could be avoided by construction workers

I could be considered clingy by a stalker

I could hang around Build-a-Bear and pretend I work there when a single dad comes in

I could go to a laundromat and pretend I need change for a dollar even though I have a washer and dryer

I could be getting dates of 4Chan

I could be Carrie Prejean


Come Near

Come near my gentle darling

Thread softly towards khubla khan

your xanadu; I want you

to look up at me with those

beautiful baby blues

Take off your coat

Take off your shoes

And lay that wet

cloth on the

tiles while I

take a look at you

Darling your skin

As soft as

the feathers of

a sheltered dove

Come close

while I wrap

my wings around

your bones

Let me rest my

lips on your lips

like weary travelers

they will trade

stories of the

east and west

Forlorn my dear

For long will

I be waiting

soft and silent

Like a child's doll

left asleep

in cinders

of the mouth

of a dying fire

Happy Holidays

I got don't have your number anymore

I didn't see the point in keeping it

But today I wish I did

so I could spark conversation

based on wishing you well

So let me begin:

Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you are doing alright.

I am Thankful

Today is the day the brown men saved the white men.

And then we all know what happened to the brown men.

But I'm going to overlook history for a moment and take the time to show my gratitude:

I love my family above all

I love my friends even if I'm extremely elusive

I love people who don't take my elusiveness personally

I love all the boys I've been with even the ones I hate

And I love that someone thinks of me every now and again 4000 miles away

I love my dysfunctional imagination and my caprice for fantasy

I love all the good people I've met and all the good people I've yet to meet

I love falling in love and getting back up again

I love potheads

I love my roommates and they all know why. Wonderful ladies.

But most importantly, I love you.

And you. And you.

You...not so much

But really I am most thankful for good people. They make up for the bad people.

Thank you good people.

Have a wonderful dinner with your friends and family and please take care to enjoy yourself befo…

Vulgarity and Poetry

There are certain merits to vulgarity, provided its usage has an ulterior aesthetic motive.

Vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity is without aesthetic worth. Vulgarity as a rhetorical device provides a different lens to view the argument.

However, vulgarity tends to lose its potential because of its shock value. The tendency of the public is to take vulgarity at face value.

We have been taught that the vulgar serves no purpose. The vulgar does have purpose when it is used correctly. As to what constitutes the correct use of vulgarity, this is subject to taste but I suppose I can argue with the case of the erotic versus the pornographic.

A pornographic object is vulgar because it destroys the emotional and human value of sexual experiences. An erotic object is not vulgar because it seeks to demonstrate the aesthetics of sex. Eroticism channels emotion while pornography channels basic instinct.

Both may be considered vulgar by the average individual ( the vulgar in this case being nudity) bu…

Oh Jenna Jenna

Oh Jenna Jenna

Jenna Jameson

How fond

of you I am!

You've reached

the zenith of

success with

a pretty pussy

made of plastic

but a pussy


(Oh Jenna Jenna

You're the golden girl

of golden showers)

Your pussy is moulded

and sold by millions

sold by trillions

So ten thousand trolls

can fuck you stupid

stain their beds

and call on cupid

Jenna Jenna tell me

how it feels to

hollow out your

heart so you

can make a fortune

off your rotten

lady parts?

Black and Blue

It's not about finding love


it's about love finding me

But it can't find me if

I'm hiding and I

can't look for it

or else we'll both be lost

Life imitates art

Art imitates life

And YOU have

created more



Except that I figured it out. So really you just bring up an interesting point.

Night Walk

slick warm steps

down the cardboard

boulevards of a

college town

grease your hips

for a night on the town

and get drunk on a dime

glistening the light

on the trunks of

trees keeping good

company on the eve

of the holidays

Oily stars reflected

on wet windows

lamp lit by the

glow of television

shows where the

families come

to dine

What Love Isn't

I can't tell you what love is. I don't know why people waste their time even trying.

I can tell you what it ISN'T though.

Love is not reality television

Love is not a card that costs 4 bucks

Love is not blackmail

Love is not porno

Love of porno is not love.

Love is not at the bottom of a bottle; but a valid substitute is

Love is not faking pregnancies

Love is not about smacking your woman/man around

Love does not validate your parking

Love is NOT blind. Only people are blind.

Love isn't fair

Fucking is not a means to an end. That end would be Love.

Love is not a cat but acts like one

Crippling emotional dependence for the sake of self actualization is not love

Love does not make the world go round. Physics makes the world go round.

I do want to know what love is

I might want you to show me.

A motivated player

What keeps me a motivated player

in the ridiculous game of love is

the fact that I am banking on

someone who wants a girl who

can lip sync pop songs in her

underwear for no apparent reason

There has got to be a man out there

Who is below 35 and sane

who really wants to see that

But not for sadistic misogynistic reasons

But for eccentric romantic reasons instead

I know I'm asking for a lot but department

stores tell me I'm a princess and an angel

So I might as well believe it

So I'll keep stapling my paper heart

back together until I meet the man

Who wants me as badly as I want him

Black Girls in Richmond

In the bowels of Richmond's most beautiful neighborhood, Oregon Hill, there lives a band who plays music.

I had the pleasure of meeting some of the boys over the summer when I went to go visit my fabulously attractive friend Robert and his sweeter than honey honeys. We had a fantastic journey. Jellyfish included.

Anyway, Black Girls play music that you'd like to listen to. It doesn't sound like your friend's band. It sounds like The Lively One tripped on mushrooms and met Jerry Garcia at a picnic with the B52s. With a faint reverb of Portugal. The Man.

They only have one song up, Miami. Think of how your indie credibility will rise! Support them. Then, you can say you heard of them first.

I like them. Don't you want to like what I like? Of course you do! I have wonderful taste!

Smoke a little pot. Drink a little whiskey. Check out some Black Girls:

The Point of The Love Child

Basically I'm hoping an old millionaire

is surfing the web and has become

magically enchanted and

charmingly obsessed with me

And will therefore find me where

I live and deliver me a letter

So one morning when I

look like a hot mess

with mismatched socks

holding a coffee spiced

with canned milk

I'll check my mailbox

after I've hit my head on

it and burned my arm with

my last cigarette

And there will be a plane ticket

for morocco flying first class

And he'll commission me

to write him love

poems and ballads

He'll be so in love

He'll dress me like a

paper doll in the finest silks

in the finest minks

He'll take me with him

to the Waldorf Astoria

Where we will drink

champagne in fine

but dull company

Maybe I won't have a room of my own

But I'll have pearls diamonds and

a snow leopard of my own

Of course his tragic and

untimely death will send

me into a state of morose

widowhood for a mandatory

month or two

And then it'll all be mine.

Things Heterosexual couples probably shouldn't say in bed

For Men:

I want to lick your damp and sticky squirrel

The condom can't fit over my sores

You are so a retarded megan fox

Can I call you mom?

Pretend you're Steve Irwin

I'm not saying youre fat, but I am saying youre fat.

For Women:

Don't mind the smell. It's just yeast.

Oh it's so CUTE

You know, once you're inside me that means we have to get married

My dad used to do the same thing with his tongue

Bro, you make that pussy pop bro.

I mean... on a scale of 1 to 10...the clap is like...a 2...

For Either:

I have a House In Virginia.

Milkway dinner


I spend all my money

on getting high and

getting sick of it

So when it comes to dinner

I usually just eat candy.

Yesterday...I had a milky way dinner

It was good. My mouth hurt

But I still can't gain weight.

I'd like to have other girls who are sticky slim

come and terrorize the patrons of a gym

by eating ice cream and deep fried cookies

with me, of course. It's only motivating them to work harder

so they can actually catch up with us.

I picked the wrong thing

I picked the wrong thing

my love of words has steered

me to an art form that lacks

any possible market

What am I going to do with this...talent?

In times of yore the poet was worthwhile

the poet had some pride today

the poet isn't real, just a selection of clothes

boots and carefully crafted sighs

timed with jaded ennui


I will be a ridiculous poet.

I have no reputation to lose.

Misconceptions I will force feed them to the people

I will be a poet of the people

I will save language by

destroying its cannons

Of course to destroy something

ultimately you must love it

to the verge of your own destruction

You can break my heart

You can steal my looks

You can burn my house down

But goddamnit I'm going

to keep on writing even

when the world stops turning

my eyes stop seeing

and I'm covered in dirt.

Edward Cullen and Heroin

apparently there are little heroin bags

being circulated in long island

with edward cullen on them


If someone can get me the baggie

with or without heroin

preferably without for security reasons

I would REALLY appreciate that.

I am such a little pussy

I need a big dick

not literally

I need a big dick

to teach me how

to stop being a little pussy

So if you are a giant douche

Or just an inconsiderate dick

Give me pointers and I'll

show you some other girl's boobs.

Cuz let's be real; douchebags don't like small boobs.

If I had no social restraint

if I had no social restraint

I'd probably blow up your phone

and tell you everything

I miss you

come to bed

I can look

at a picture of you

but a picture isn't

worth a thing when

I want your hands

along my skin


Of course I'll never bother you

I just wish you'd bother me.




without your wisdom and guidance what awful books will I read?! What stupid lessons will I not learn about what constitutes being rude?!

HOW WILL I KNOW THE STATE OF YOUR VA JAY JAY?! your sweet sweet ham flavored va jay jay

O Oprah, my princess, my goddess

you were my favorite balloon to watch blow up and deflate

you were my favorite talk show host to watch criticize strangers and give bad or mind numbingly stupid advice to gullible women

THIS IS 2012.


all the women in the world are going to commit suicide because oprah isn't telling them what to do so then no women will be left and the human race will die out

god oprah. you selfish selfish bitch.

I, who licked the ground you may have walked upon at some point ( i don't really know i'm just guessing)

I, who wrote you letters about potential costumes you could wear to hide your surgery

I...who created you.


It's a shame to be

so euphoric and weak

when you listen to mariah carey

And I would absolutely boom box you

with heartbreaker blasting

and your neighbors complaining

But I assume that kind of music irritates you

and you wouldn't find it nearly as funny as I would

Old School Hollywood

old school hollywood

is where I want to be

Gone with the
wind that takes me

Deep in with the stars

Dancing through the

boulevards, the bars

wearing shadows

kissing Carey Grant

deep in the dark

Big band blazing

trumpets and drums

what tremendous affairs

could come undone

film in forgotten reels

where I'll find a

story left to be

imagined when

the camera stopped

rolling and I was

left in tears

The bubble bath incident

As you can see

from the picture

above you

it seems that I

have a fondness for bathtubs

And I do.

I have an


keen affection

for bathtubs.

So I wanted to take a bubble bath

And I was getting stoned

And I used up all the hot water

And had to drain the bath

So I sat in about three inches of water

quickly disappearing through

the shitty stopper smoking

a joint and getting ash

all over me

i was listening to

redneck woman

And yes, I

DO know all the words

I just wish somebody

could have filmed that;

a giggling mess kind of

sliding with the water

until there's only bubbles left.

I am the woodsman's wife

I am the woodsman's wife

I toil and slave to pave

our life of strife. alas...

I am the woodsman's wife

My hand tenacious bound

by plainest gold

My bounty sold

To the highest bidder

The clearest bell did toll

I became the woodsman's wife

Timber blue and

pine green mist

is my company

lonesome in

the mountains

I sit and miss the

days when I

was a girl

I said I loved him

loved him dear but

I was another great oak

slain chained to kitchen sinks

and chipped away and

burned like the wood

My husband cuts

I am the woodsman's wife

Twistin the night away

Sir, I'd like very much

to have you see me go

twisting to the rock n roll

Yessir, I'll take your hand

and we can let our feet

do the talkin

Young fella in your

tight blue jeans

let's go down

the new york way

and twist the

days away

Come on and dance with me

Chief, you don't need new clothes

all you need are a pair of

tip tappin toes

I <3 the Female Orgasm

If you're anybody who wants to cum

buy this book. I read this book today

and It explained so much.

Really...guys...please for the love of god buy this book.

You don't even need to buy it! shit! speed read it in the library or something. Take notes.

But really though, please read through. It'll help YOU understand the complicated notion of the elusive female orgasm and it'll help YOU understand that you are doing it wrong.

One more time, my clit is not a mistake ; your thumb is not an eraser. Just because nobody's gotten me there ( somebody's gotten close though! way to go tiger!) does not mean I was abused.'s my fault you don't know what you're doing and assume that it'll take 30 seconds to get me to scream your name, your father's name and your grandfather's name.

Really guys. Read this book. Girls too though.

You gotta know your body.

NEXT TIME whenever that is I'll make sure to make sure that you're doing it right.

But r…











EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PUSSYPUDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


new moon is the reason WHY our empire is crumbling. stupid twits.


Pussy Pudding, Reflections


who does that?!

let me give you advice

don't. tell anyone. ever.

that you want to make pussy pudding.

I drew a picture. I won't show you. It's too gnarly.

But hey if you want to date a girl maybe give her a call...maybe say hey baby girl we should go to a movie. the room?

Shoot, write her a note

But don't tell her that you want to make her pussy into pudding

I don't even know how that would work

Also, don't stare and lick your lips. It's weird. ITS WEIRD.

See The Room though.

Things I learn from Ads

Yogurt should be eaten only by women. If you're a man and you eat yogurt, no matter what kind of yogurt, I add a wo to your man.

Smartphones come from outer space

Scion is a cult and they will run you over if you do not join.

Vacuum cleaners are actually people who may or may not irritate you based on their ability to suck stairs.

Iphones are far superior to everything ever created.

Big Lots makes christmas possible for the poor ( who don't deserve christmas anyway)

Guys gone wild is where lesbians come from

If I use a bump-it, i will be able to marry rich

William Shatner never hits rock bottom

Dr.Dre is a doctor

A gift is thoughtless unless you slaughter someone on black friday.

Mops cry when women don't use them.

Saturday Night's alright

You would think

that even in my

most uneventful states

I'd manage to stay out of

insane and somewhat

terrifying situations.

No. No, I can't just go and get high. I have to be told that I was going to be made into, "pussy pudding, pussy pie"

I had to deal with a 30 something partially puerto rican hustla tell me that he would turn me inside out

and upside down. And all kinds of things I still can't quite believe I heard.

You would think glasses and an old lady sweater would do it. You would think frumpy was enough.

Oh no.



Silver lining: I was told that because I am slim I can be tossed into the air and bent...much like a gumby type you know what, I guess if a hustla is willing to hire crackheads to dig me up a pirate ship, I'm good enough.

Just a blunt. I just wanted to smoke a blunt.

Instead I was visually raped.


When someone you do not want to have sex with you DOES want to have sex with you and they are blast…

Reading is stupid

Yes Kanye

reading is fucking stupid

in fact, literacy is just a homosexual code

for someone who is homosexual

oh you're LITERATE? I see...

Reading is pointless! what the fuck right?!

Why read when OTHER people can do it for you on the internet

and you can get a general idea RIGHT?

yeah and while we're at it, how about those vowels?!

fucking stupid shit right?!

Fucking vowels, who the fuck needs them ... let's replace them with numbers and symbols that look like them

Kn(y) 15 d@ b35T.

So much more hetero and manly than saying... oh I don't know.. Kanye needs to be maimed by schoolchildren armed with glue guns.

You sound more smarterer when you don't use vowels. I'm so stupid I HAVE to use them.

Yeah reading is totally for queers. Srsly.

Like... why? why would i read when I could be doing things?

Like getting drunk and dry humping teenagers

wtf let's see you do that books!

Reading is stupid omg stupid.

I remember when I first fell in love

I remember when I first fell in love,

it was with a stranger

we talked about books together

we talked about all sorts of things

I had no idea until

I realized I would never

see him again

So I remember when I fell in love

How lovely

I remember when we

sat together in

the gazebo after


we couldn't see the garden

it was much too dark

but we could see

each other's outlines

we could see the

silhouette of

the cathedral

monstrous but

sublime nonetheless

I remember when

our lips met

for the first time

of so few times

I remember well

how it felt to have

been bayonetted;

I was a solider in

a war I didn't realize

I was fighting

I remember breaking

when I realized that it

was something I

created and that

it was nothing

more than

the last

days of


My writing has been shit lately

Now I will acknowledge

that over the past few weeks

my writing has been shit

I think that's because I'm

a little bit too frightened

to give reality to my

nasty bout of melancholia

You know you create a certain

truth through language

and i simply did not

want to give any more

life to the heaving beast

of neurotic derelict

So I've been sad, very sad

yes and it's due partly

to external conditions

but mostly to preexisting

internal dispositions

So whatever happened to me

objectively ( and of course friends and family know my toil)

isn't necessarily the cause

it's merely the last little push


The point is that in denial

my writing suffers but

I feel a wave of exciting mania

So within a week I'll be back

to "normal" and talking to me

will be like watching your favorite TV show again

fallow of melancholy

In the very fallow

of melancholy

lies my body

sunken soft

and filled with

poisonous lethargy

I know the film

I watch it play itself

strapped to a chair

watching forever

over and over

I am waiting

to banish the

storm cloud

that drowns

the seeds

before me

I want to

take sunshine

with pleasure


I am so violently

dissuaded from

all fancy of

joy when

night falls

So I lie in

damp cloth

twisting and

turning diving

deeper into

the fallow

This is the breakdown of a girl right here

Not nervous.

But apart from all the tough talking

the high heels the red lipstick

the tight pants the practiced

gaze of jaded seduction

apart from the vitriolic cynicism

that makes you laugh but makes

me shake my head in disgrace

apart from the rallying of breaking gender norms

and living beside my own morals devoid ( this is impossible) of conditional biases

at the end of the day

I really just want to spoon.


If Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin had a baby

If Carrie Prejean

and Sarah Palin

had a baby

I would call it

Miss America

and then throw it

out an open window

and slap them both

across the face with

a rotten fish

and oily dildo.

amelie in the mail

A few days ago

I received a package

from an old flame

who lives in the

boonies now

It was the film


How deliciously


I realized

watching it

that I was

the americanized

embodiment of

the protagonist

But I don't have

a movie camera

Still, come on Nino,

I'm sure you've seen

the movie you

have to take in

all the hints

that I don't

exactly give you

at all

Figure it out nino

The story has to

have a happy ending

or else it's a

different film


Grey Days


mint green

walls I stall

to avoid

those tethered

tasks that nip

at my ankles

like a teacup

pup; I am

soaking in


quite content

to waste another day

Pilot's Hat

I don't know, use your imagination. It's not that hard.

Tuesday was a dream to me

Tuesday was a

dream to me

I melted into

drywall bricks

and cold tiles

So I got wasted

I got gone

I got lost in

the blur

the haze

of one eye

open and

one eye


I let myself

get fucked

up for the

sake of

giving up

the ghost

But the ghost

gave me up

instead so

I was left

lying stupid

sloppy in

my bed

I'm not an addict

I'm not an addict

I simply seek

to break the

will that



I'm not an addict

I simply build

fences for

wild horses

with chalk

ovals and

dull slices

of apathetic


I'm not an addict

I'm in love.

The Black Dress

Yesterday I wore

the same black

dress I wore the day

when we first met

I had put my hair up

and my heels on I

wanted to look

pretty so the

strip malls and

derelicts wouldn't

bother me but

instead I was

howled at and

given the attentions

of men I had no intention

of attracting with my

black lidded eyes

I was sent back

to recall the

sound of my heart

beating when

I first saw you

Discarded possibility

I am chained by

feminine disposition

I will wait

until love


with time

or distraction

or heavy medication


I missed the meteors last night

I think I slept through my alarm

it's early afternoon now

I don't think I'll be going to class

I might go to the city today and

draw strangers discreetly

(these are the things I like to do)

As beautiful it might of been

I missed it...I was looking forward to it

I can relate to an unseen meteor shower

as beautiful as it can be what's the use

if someone isn't enjoying it?

I might enjoy it but that doesn't give me any sense of fulfillment

I'm willing to have a bridle and bit put on

But i am so awfully discriminatory of the rider

What a pity to wait for quality...

All your misconceptions are true.

2012, another prediction

I predict that

in 2012 some

fucking lunatic

is going to try

to dose the water

so everyone starts

getting wacked out

and tripping

mostly bad tripping

and then they believe their own

stupid prophecy

IT'S NOT REAL. It's a little over ten years since we had our last "the world is over"

It's perpetuating doom that gives people a reason to get medicated

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have ice cream for breakfast.

REM sleep

Last night I was

happy laughing

drunk and stupid

skipping towards my

house and stumbling around

I woke up drunk

laughing still

boisterous with the

afterglow of good friends

and bad wine

but then I came to myself

and I was upset without cause

I went to sleep

but I dreamt myself

a vivid dream and

it was about you

and i woke up

after you had left me

the sky was blue gray

the sun was shining

it looked like a movie set

in my head

but I woke up

crying wishing

I could rest my head

upon your chest again

and I know that I miss

you even though

I barely got a chance to know you

In dreams, I sought refuge

I found the truth instead

I can't even be upset

Even though I get

the short end of the dick stick


I have to say I can't be too upset

if the men i long for don't stick around

because the ones I've been with I've

made a lasting impression on and

I think of them, all of them,

fondly (well one or two not so fondly)

and I will

always have memories of days spent

behind a church; not exactly hallmark

card material but it's definitely romance

So even if you don't think of me once

let alone twice; I have been appreciated

and will continue to appreciate the

arbitrary caress of a stranger

because if we got to know each other

well what would be the point?

I used to think if it wasn't said aloud

it didn't have any value but I've

learned to trust my instinct

I can only hope you are pulled

out as far along the water

as I am

Come on Walt

Come on Walt

Get off your high horse

Sleep next to me a while

Come back from the

dead to tell me stories

about the glory of the

glass ceiling

I'll tell you lies so

you don't spin in

your grave like elvis

after you find out

what happened to your

glorious vision

you won't be able to die again

If I was a soap opera writer

Twilight of Our Eyes


Mona: dark and mysterious ( she's hiding a secret)

Miranda: blonde and buxom also with secret

Pregnant Peggy: mysteriously pregnant for several years. she must have a secret

Todd: devilish and dashing and maybe a little bit gay

Marco: Hispanic and crippled... but with a secret heart of gold.

Peruvian Pedro: the drug dealer who is secretly dealing drugs

Episode 1: The Lost Bracelet

Voiceover: On a mysterious islands where secrets are kept...someone is hiding something.

PP: I can't find my bracelet. Mona have you seen it?

Mona : Why are you always accusing me of stealing your bracelets Peggy? I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR !@#@ BRACELET


( cat fight. Mona's left breast is exposed and Peggy is wild and sexy in her denim skirt, just like a pregnant woman would be)

Mona: Peggy...after being this close to you... I just.. i thought I liked men but I think.. I think I'm in love with your pregnancy

PP: Oh mona...ever since todd left,…

Wanting what you can't have

Some people don't have that

they are happy with what they have

they went after it and caught it

be it fish or beaver

and then other people

just like me and maybe

just like you just

want what you can't have

and the more you want it

the more life doles you

bear traps to make it more

difficult to get it. So I think

really I'm just going to keep wanting it

until I move away far away or

until something else is striking

( I am talking about sex with someone)

How easy would it be if authors included little notes like that at the end of their works? Virginia Woolf wouldn't have had a lighthouse to go to

If I was a School Counselor...


Yes my child?

Can I come in?

Give me about thirty seconds

Ok... um...

Ok...Ok you can come in now

Thanks. Sorry to bother you.


No thanks... um.. do you have a cold or something?

No.. why... are my eyes red?

You keep sniffling and your nose is all-

Yeah it's um.. it's a cold. I misheard you. So what's your deal my chubby little ninja?

Um.. well I think um... see so like I'm on the wrestling team and all the guys keep making fun of me because well... I guess I'm a little chubby

A LITTLE? I mean I was trying to be nice-I mean... uh you're not so much chubby as bulbous and you know there's lots of great girls on craigslist that look for teddy bears to cuddle with...

You think I look like a teddy bear?

No that's not what I meant. I meant that... well you do... a little. You're awfully hairy for an 18 year old.

I'm 13.

Oh my god. What are you doing, giving yourself steroid enemas?

What's an enema?

You don&…

Pop Music Theory

So I am in my room listening

to my shuffling ipod

and of course,

Mrs. Officer comes on

and I start to wonder

what is it about music

that is so lyrically

stupid ( clever in terms of

phonetics and musicality

flow and what not)

that is so unbelievably

generic and saccharine

that makes music like lil wayne a guilty pleasure for some and the only pleasure for others?

(Music my personal favorite art form. I must state that much. I am inspired by music to feel. i feel it far surpasses the significance of poetry, but alas, i am not a musician.)

That bias aside,here is my theory.

I think that music can evoke the animality of emotions; that is to say, music enchants the most basic emotional instincts within ourselves. Empathy is one of the necessary oils that washes the gear of society, it's one of our most basic means for functioning as a collective group of painfully self aware creatures.

So music not only evokes the purest form of emotion within an individual, but also gives that individual the relief o…


let me be real:

shut the mother

fuck up about

2012 you

fucking weens.


it was probably a hollywood scheme

so that people would actually go

see that atrocious movie

Yes hollywood, I am on to you.

Shit... give me 6 years and I'll be

running you and your shiny stars

And I'll let colombian drug lords

run the music business

They would be more aesthetically ethical

than the people up there now

then plan b is

cultivate marijuana fields in lebanon

where I will live with a handsome

handsome man who

would make walt whitman drool

we'll be wearing levis of course.

Winter's eve

Along the

day's path

following the light

I am feathered

dancing for

curious eyes

Enthralled by

the possibility

of strangers

but then light

fades ushered off

replaced by

neon bulbs

I am bit by

unseen flies

caught in the crossfire

of fantasy

words taken in vain

while you might

be ripe with time

I am ripe now

and I am waiting

to reap my harvest


Let me tell you awkward:

I just spent the past

hour listening to a

guy tell me how his

girlfriend is fucking with him

while fending off his advances

because he's

fucked to hell up on

heroin so I'm

sitting there...okay...

in this apartment

blunted and stunted

when all of a sudden,

he is going on about

his baby's bad behavior

while he's scratching

furiously at his legs

sweating like a

whore in church

with one eye closed

that is awkward.

I only wish someone else was there to witness it so we could laugh about it.

Because I didn't really know

what to do so I just

thought about what talk show

hosts do when they announce

paternity test results

I kept it cool

luckily i had my glasses

so I looked professional

in my hawaii themed-hoodie

Things to Keep in Mind for Single Women


a prize isn't a prize

unless you win it

so either go win yourself

a prize or get won

it's one or the other

Buy a prize

or get bought if you have to


or just expire on the shelf

that's why there's lifetime.

A prize, a real prize. You can't show yourself off, someone has to do it for you.

Brangelina, a poem

It occurred to me that i should write about things that inspire me:

O ye olde Brangelina,

with ye many a jolly

child from countries

of ye dark and poor

charitable tax breaks!

Dance in the holy light

that paparazzi shine on thee!

Dance like the Wolves!

A film that neither of

you participated in o

ye glorious ye!

Ye brangelina

come forth!

shine ye beneficial

light of ye empty

and cadaverous eyes

and YE shall make me

watch ye reality tv show

ye shall eventually produce!

"Katrangelina + 8 multicultural orphans!"

Hear ye Hear ye

Ye maketh me wish

I doth had purchased

said copy of People magazine

in which ye talk of ye

Blessed children of hollywood,

give me ye patronage and i

will write ye flawless scripts!

I was once a loyal mistress

Then I was a secret


I was dealt

unfamiliar cards

and couldn't get

quite close

enough to


Now I want

to be a secret

a slight of hand

at a dimly lit

dinner party

I want to lay

in shards;

the glass of


to revel deeply

in delicate


Language in Poetry

poetry is interesting because it takes the inherent madness of an individual who has the capacity to experience and understand the Sublime and attempts to communicate with language that which they cannot describe.

In feeling, the poet feels the depths of emotion to the point where words cease to categorize the familiar. Not wanting to be alone, the poet tries to use language, that which holds him accountable to the furious tempest of silence, to evoke the experience

that overwhelms him in an effort to give himself catharsis through transmitting what he can through words.

never literal, poetry can never be an exact definition and description of an experience, because the magnitude of this experience bypasses the reality of language

but because language binds and construct an objective reality, poets must use language against itself to create an example of their subjective perceptions so that an objective emotion can be evoked within the audience.

A poem, for those who do care for them, is…

Ode to Cannabis

I am not defined

by lines of nations

or by declarations

of the divine

I am drawn not

by a badge

or a card or

the pride

of the isolated

masses bound

by the moral


I am merely an


simply put,

a connoisseur

of glorious


I belong to a creed

of those who delight

and smile with heavy

lidded eyes who

blow smoke

that thickly swirls

and tickles

our minds

I belong in

the mellow sea

of ambivalent

sympathy that

in secret

we swim in

What Jimi Hendrix wants, I provide

Manic Depression

do you know what it's about?

It's about wanting to make love

to the music itself

Well...let me tell you

you can't make love

with art but you can

drop acid and you

can make love with me

and that's about

as close as you'll

ever get to stroking


Christmas gift


I'll get you one if you get me one.

Since it's already the holiday season according to the market,

I want you whoever you could be

to get me a recording of william shatner

reading one of my posts. preferably one that is wholly subjective to the experience of being a woman.

In fact if you do a great shatner impression ( and i am a serious connoisseur so don't even try if you know it's weak) then just record yourself.

Actually, that takes away from it. I don't think this stuff is meant to be read out loud. And if you had shatner chops you wouldn't be wasting your time here during your 9 to 5.

So instead, a camera. Film camera.

I have my sad and lonely reasons. politicians.


my hangovers are delayed

i was sleeping this one off

because i woke up so early

and you know all I could

think about is how

much I enjoyed making

you cum

but i thought about it

and i don't feel sick anymore

sex is great like that. especially with a vivid imagination

Writer's Manifesto

keep writing

i will keep writing

even when i have

nothing to say

anyway I want

I will write because

I can't do anything else

Here is my philosophy on poetry. I believe in free verse but not in a lack of technical skill. Free verse is an abstract painting with word. It binds with an emotion invoked through the distorted rhythm.

I could write more. But I haven't thought it out yet.

The childhood of tuesday

Do you know

what it's like having

to chose between a ghost

and a corporation?

You know those

days like today

where the gray

is interrupted by blue

and yellow and you

can see the bark

stretching itself

into black cobwebs

Yes those mornings

when the day is

a lamb that

hobbles into

old age a black

sheep waiting

to be born


Carrie Prejean

let me address you intimately Ms.Prejean,

your ignorance is not only baffling, it's infuriating.

your hypocrisy astounding

your hair is beautiful

but let me just break for a second:

If I had to chose between ann coulter and you

i'd chose coulter.

I find you that morally reprehensible.

But on the bright side, at least youre comfortable with your body.

Let's hear it for getting off and then saying we're ashamed.

Whatever you do, you dumb blonde whore, you will always be a miserable example of what it means to be a woman.

you can do everything the bible says, short of draining a virgin, and you would still make the antichrist cum.

the worst part

the worst part of it

the switch and walk

of pleasure

had nothing to do

with you but

I was so used

to disaster that

it became a self fulfilling

prophecy and so

i cannot go to sleep

because I don't have

anything to dream about

i cannot find solace

in wallowing misery

I can't find solace

until he finds me


i have a little thing

called standards

it impedes every

furious minute

of my joy


kind of. Standards

well there are real standards

and the imaginary ones

it's a little like the odd couple

i always think the two will compromise

they don't.

no they just leech

like the imagined parasites they are

and then the vitriolic hearts of

semi psychotic strangers with

medical conditions that affect

their affections are never in mind

even though i'm in their mind. and probably closet...anddd when they're finished i'm in a kleenex box

( you did, bravo, have the courtesy to lie when I asked you, so thank you)

but no. standard.s.

and by standard i mean i'm attracted

to those who stand in the limelight

of the artistic caste

oh but don't worry.

i don't talk to the ones i like. that would be silly.

things would be EASY that way.

standards. right.

i am forcing myself to believe i have them

in order to avoid having to regret the coming months

oh god damn it.


i get to that point

that point of getting

so fucked up i wish

i was sick

i have to wake up at

the ass crack of morning

so i have to whole day

to think about the crash

and feel the scar tissue

of the burn

Fall over

I am

not an addict

I am a love fool

and love fools me

into ditches bruised

leaves me parchment

white and lonely

I am not an addict

I am a connoisseur

of remedies that

thrill me with dreams


I cannot sleep

(I cannot sleep)

awake and


frustrated gone

into the plains

of ambivalence

So horrified at

the layers of humanity

I have to take the

assuagement of

chemical enhancement

For if I would be

such a silly

happy pet

if I hadn't

been subject

to taste the fruit

of knowledge that

falls; my mouth

catches it despite

the bruises it


I try so hard to fall asleep

You want to have a go?

Have a go

i just don't give

a fuck anymore

I might as well

take that

sorrow and pluck

it till it's writhing

dead on the ground

so fuck me wherever

whenever and however

i don't care what kind

of tears i spilt on

the linoleum

as long as I get

a mink coat

that keeps

me warm

those winter

nights that

lonely come

and lonely go

I don't care just take

me without a grain of

salt and let me

spill out

into eternity

for a moment

fractured by the

illusion of

your breath

The morning

time will come

and i will leave

while you sleep

your arm will

fall on cotton

spite the skin

I will leave and

I will mimic the

motions of what

it means to be a

happy girl dancing

lovely despite the world

cold and desperate

that chokes the wind

I will dance happy

until pompeii is

burning blue

bright burning

burning once again


What is romance?

Romance is an 8 ball

one night in the city

and sharing headphones

spun out when

the dawn's grey

reaches round

the horizon

Romance is watching planes

take off and land

with the drowning

man of haine's point

watching you look

over the edge

romance is dirt

cheap motel room

where no one knows

but you're not alone

tangled in sheets

stained with crime

romance is when

eyes lock and load

bang bang

and you're all mine

romance is the


between paces

that hides

marks our

hands in shadow

How to Win my Heart *

Secret Admirers that I may or may not have,

Would you like to win fondness?

If I get an easel

a pad of drawing paper

and charcoal delivered

to my college park home

I will consider my affections

in regards to your persons

but I will not sleep with you.

unless it's the you I always mention

one of the many yous

but if it's none of you

then I will dedicate works to you

and I will smoke with you or

give you a massage.

It's not that I can't get those three things on my own

It's the principle.

So prove your affections

and come a-courtin,

and deliver me my



PEar shaped men

Dear pear shaped and balding men

please stop following me when I am trying to make statues smile in the sculpture area of the national gallery.

and if you do insist on following me, please be discreet so I can enjoy myself without the nervous fear of your fat and pink fingers trying to touch my shoulder or behind

and please use rogaine.

and please recognize that smiling at me like I'm a piece of expertly prepared steak will get you no where except court where you will be served with a restraining order.

On that note, is anyone, who isn't a creepy old and ugly man, willing to be my museum bodyguard? Really...just bodyguard in general? Just don't try to slip a couple fingers up my dress unless we agree on that in the contract. (Contract varies based on mutual attraction. )

Basically, I don't want you to talk to me at all. I don't care about your opinions ( unless it's a different kind of visit...where you are coming as a friend and not a bodyguard) I just need you to…

Xanax v You

As much as I might

try to induce myself

into a dreamless sleep

and as much as i might

try to forget how warm

it felt to be inside your arms

I wake up and I'm alone

and I can't possibly convince

myself that it's alright

Viper Nests

Matthew Paul Butler plays music

in my favorite part of the world

the south north carolina

and his brother

Chad Butler has made a film

it's lovely and the music

is sad and sweet

Plus: Great beards. Fabulous kittens. And a little bit of titty poppin.

If you like what you've seen here, you can bypass the third man and check it out alli:

Matthew Paul Butler Myspace

Chad's Video Blog

Hey Oprah

Hey oprah

why don't you crown me a new literary miracle?

I mean take pity on me

patronize me.

But then again I guess talking about

the things I talk about

doesn't really rub your

va jay jay the right way

Clarence Carter

Clarence Carter,


oh wait

let me answer that


Oh yes.

Thank you Kirk, for showing me Strokin...

Now let me pass on the gift that my friend Kirk passed on to me and tell you to

go find and listen to Strokin' by Clarence Carter

IF you like funk...and strokin and the 80s/early 90s then stroke.

Basshunter or Hocking myself as a tourguide

I love basshunter

because he writes songs

about DOTA and other internet things

and you know what? he's getting

the finest most clean

efficient pussy in sweden

( you do have to assemble it yourself though)

which just goes to show... if you're a dork in the states, you can become a superstar in Europe, where things like polyester and frosted tips never go out of style

And if you're not a dork but you're just too cool for america, you can hunker down in europe and pretend like you know what the fuck is going on...

really at this point not much is going on. Italy is fucked. France is fucked. The other countries are cool i think.

If you do go to Europe, make sure to have me with you so you don't get weaseled into a murder scam or sold into slavery.

Patent pending.

That's my logo. That's why it's pending. or the copyright. Whatever, just don't go around saying it.

I think as a tour guide I would manage to freak people out just enough to have a good time and I cou…

technical difficulties

It is very difficult

to take this text and

translate it into audible sounds

because that terrifies me .

But I recognize my actions to be misleading

as aloof as I am

this indicates the degree of sentimentality and fondness

that swims in me

(in regards to you

not in regards to others)

I don't want anybody else

but as for you,

you might want anything else

really i don't know

I hope not

Anyway. The next time I see you....

well i won't get into it,

but I can't wait to see you again

I wish I could just write people notes when I had something to tell them.

WWWWD? ( OR fuck that levi's commercial)

What would walt whitman do?

I have recently discovered a commercial for levis. I'm sure you've seen it. It's an aesthetically pleasing commercial. You know, young kids...biracial kissing and fields and bare chests...a really nice manly voice narrating something...

It occurred to me that... it was a poem. A walt whitman poem. O Pioneers! And a little part of me cracked inside.

Because O Pioneers! was not a poem that was supposed to be used as a means to an end. It's not about blue jeans. IT does not condone selling blue jeans.

Yes, walt whitman would have probably liked to see steel workers in blue jeans. And who wouldn't, honestly.

But using his poetry... in a commercial... for jeans. That are more than likely made in China.

It's painful, you know it's like the death of literature. American literature. It's a little blue quill stabbing the quilt of our cannon.

So you know what?

I'm going to save it.

Yes, I will save literature. How? I will create litera…

Kanye and Lord Byron

Kanye West. I know you are most likely not reading this but if you are, this is addressed to you.

I criticized you for being a dick and turning people off with your general assholery

But then you know, I read over Manfred...You know, Lord Byron

And you're a lot like him. I mean... he was controversial... he created celebrity

and you! you are also controversial. You can afford to be so because you do make genius music

So really, go ahead. Drink that whiskey. Just don't start sucking.

Otherwise you'll probably end up bloated and trying to avoid paying child support

But this is positive though. I'm sure you've suffered. And what not.

I just hope you didn't sleep with your sister. or brother.

I don't know if you're an only child because then you haven't at all

even considered that....maybe you did but it was always a fantasy?

I'm rambling. Forgive me.

Anyway, Kanye let me just give you this advice you didn't ask for

Keep getting your dick sucked, but do…

Delayed/Spite Fucking

I think I'll be delaying my visit to campus

because by the time I get to my class

it'll be over. Onwards, forever onwards my friends.

SO NOW I will say a couple things about frivolous spite fucking

I have never spite fucked... that I can think of.

I'm going to tell you why it's a bad idea because...well I have a soapbox

It's a bad idea because you aren't enjoying the sex

youre enjoying the spite that will result

from the sex. and enjoying spite

is kind of like enjoying crystal meth

it's great, but it's trashy.

I have a hard time understanding how women in particular can spite fuck

because I think it would be hard to get into it but

you know the one thing i regret is that i wasn't born a stupid whore

because then i could just get boned by random dudes without that gnaw of integrity

And you know, it would feel good. Instead of feeling like a kleenex

But I am not a stupid whore. So oh well.

Conclusion: Sex isn't a means to an end. Stop desecrating it with s…

Morning Goals

I'm going to talk to a stranger

and wrangle their life story

and I am also going to guess

that most guys wear boxers on campus

and I'll bullshit a survey and ask


Also, I'm going to give a blonde a compliment

tomorrow it will be brunette

To the guy that stares at me

To the guy who stares at me on my way to class:

Ode to you my jolly and fairly disgusting fellow! I see your eyes on my sweet white girl ass that swings and I think to myself, it really is such a wonderful world!

I am not talking about those in my age range, oh no. You dear sir, have experience. I can tell by the way you grab your oily privates when you think no one's looking... or youre just trying to catch my eye-and let me tell you sir, you have caught it !You have caught it with that oily hair....and the gut probably managed to catch it too, by sheer gravitational pull.

Sir, you are a blessing. In your sweat pants or in your slacks with a CIA baseball hat, I can tell that you are not only mature, but you are ripe like a fine bag of wine left out in the heat of a trailer park somewhere sticky.

Yes sir, you, in all of your glory, that stares at the passing girls like a diseased zoo lion stares at children, you took the time to give ME the eye.

ME! Like I'm some kind of celebrit…

Oh dear audience, I am sorry

I just read through some arbitrary posts

and you guys really must think I'm gone

Please remove ME as you know me from what you read

I think I mentioned somewhere down the line I like to paint with words

so. I believe that emotion is the paint and the words are the brush

So I don't censor my emotions in writing, they are quite real

In real life however, I keep them at bay

I mean I lock those fools up. No outlet.

Anyway, I've had an emotional few days and I'm embarrassed about it. Basically. Is what I'm saying to you.

But I'll never ever ever take it out on someone. Worst thing I can do is lock myself up in my room and chain smoke and well...


Catharsis. I know SOMEBODY is reading this. Anybody. Nobody?

it's still a body.

Talking loud

I am going to say this


just because you

say it LOUDER

does not make it

any less stupid

of a statement

Yelling about the slice of cheese you had for the week does not make you skinny. Hence. Don't wear those leggings.

Also: The girl who was rude to the lady behind the counter a few weeks ago: Wow, really? I know your dad probably fucked you when you were little and all you disheveled hussy, but don't take it out on the person who's handing you boiling coffee. Yeesh.

Why would you be rude to a stranger unprovoked? Bad manners little girl, I hope you get hot coffee all over yourself and then loudly complain about how that bitch is out to get you.

Dear Bitches

Dear bitches,

I see tis the season for cellulite

I respectfully plead

with you please wear pants

remember to wear pants

with your ohio state sweatshirt

it's not cute it's

actually very upsetting

You look messy

It's saying, "I don't care, I was too drunk last night and I think I left my pants at bobby's house I hope I don't get VD"

That's what it says.

So bitches, if you take the time to put on your make up and straighten that yellow hair, take the time to wear pants also. Pants. It's what whitman would have wanted.

Gross really. State school hell.

Was I wrong?

I don't really know

I may have been

but i might just

have amazing


or maybe

I am just

a neurotic casualty

of talk shows and

bad advice

I really don't know

But you tend to

categorize based

on experience so


you know...

the saying

fool me once ect.

Keep that crazy to yourself

See if you read the past

few days worth of posts

you understand that

I am a little crazy

here is where it's okay:

I keep it all to myself. Your crazy is your own to nurture, please don't dump it out on whoever. Write it out. express it but don't accuse.

People forget that their perception is subjective and objectifying your fears onto another unassuming individual is what gives you a bad name.

Friends: thank you. for putting up with the consequence of my crazy. and giving me shoulders.