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Dear Men in Cars

Dear Sirs,

I cannot begin to describe my utter fluttering delight upon having you pass me on the street. Sirs, it makes my heart not only dance, but exult in buoyant cartwheels all around my pointy little ribcage.

Sirs, I thank god for your random loud honks, which tell me that all signs point towards success for my dainty steps. I know you're honking because you want me to know that you appreciate my delicate mind as well as my womanly curves. And the only reason I don't hop into your car to fellatiate you until you are exhausted from dehydration is because you're speeding along so fast!

Yes, men in cars, I thank you for the gracious yelps and eye fucking that I see from across the street. There's really nothing quite so satisfying and confident building as 6 pairs of eyes mauling your clothes off at a red light. Not only does it build my confidence but it makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile for the Latin American community. I know you have had your passports and papers taken away so Joe can pay you 4 bucks an hour and I'm happy that my supple young body can save you a few dollars on viagra.

Yes, I especially love it when you are waiting at a light and you decide to start conversation calling me a few of my favorite names: babygirl, shorty/shawty, baby, or wassup you fine. Ahh yes, the articulate mating call of the stranger driving a 500 dollar camero...

So men in cars, thank you for telling me that yes, my ass is fine, and yes I might have been startled by your honking and yes I may have almost had a heart attack and ended up under your wheels, but I want you to know that nothing says you're a human being quite like shouting from the passenger or drivers seat.

Oh and that startled frown? That's me playing hard to get, because we all know when a woman says no she means yes and when she says yes she wants you to utilize her strawberry scented sphincter. Of course, we women keep that a secret. Because we're CRAZY.

With love,



  1. i think i saw you walking down the street, i was walking to be picked up by my sho-fer. toodles, you were in bethesda, yes?

  2. yes, that's true uh.. who are you?

  3. you look like a shy person on the street, but you write like you have big balls... Small world, very small world.


  4. Can I guess?! Does your name start like a C? ( I love this game!)


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